Mohandas Gandhi said to me today (via Google's quote of the day):
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
I read that and immediately, the thought that popped into my head was: I NEED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL. Regardless of the cost. Regardless of the time and effort. Regardless of how many of my friends and family are rolling their eyes right now as they read this-- I am going back to school.
Some people collect seashells and it makes them happy to have the shells displayed on a shelf. You know what makes me happy? Not men, not alcohol, not even my kids (yeah I said it...and what?). Learning. Homework. Term papers. Special projects. Final exams. Weird, but true. I get high off that shit. It's what I like to do; it's what I want to do; it's how I fill my void: acquiring as much knowledge as I can before the devil knows I'm dead.
Will I die a pauper from the school debts I have accumulated? Absolutely. Do I care? Not a damn bit. Why? Because I've never really known money. We aren't really friends. I dare say, I don't even care for it. So not having any later isn't going to be any different than not having any now. I might as well at least throw my money away doing something I love.
Learning.
*smooches...enrolling in CUNY for the Spring 07 semester*
-----------
and at the end of
the day
all I will have to
show for all
my book-learnin'
is just that--
all my book-learnin'.
and you know what?
it's more than enough.
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6 comments:
I feel you girl....two ieces of paper later, I am feeling the need to get a Master's of Petroleum Engineering or law degree.
I know the feeling.
You seriously have an illness. I know what is wrong with you: you go to school in order to avoid the adult responsibilities in your life. If you are going to school, you are still a child, therefore, not responsible foryour own actions.
Can't I just like school? It's not like my responsibilities go away just 'cause I'm in school. In fact, they're doubled!
Honey, no one likes school so much that they are willing to get themselves into THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS in debt with no intention of paying it back just for a piece of paper. What are you up to? $75,000? Do you have any idea what your payments are goingto be like when you finally do have to pay those back? There is a limit to forbearances.
And I didn't say that you are not being responsible. It's a mental thing. If you are not in school, you have to be a mature adult. If you are in school, you can get away with foolish behavior (the excessive drinking, the sleeping around with random guys) because, mentally, you are not responsible for your actions.
Sigh! That's it! It's official. I have watched too much Dr. Phil. Where's my damned tv show. LOL!
Hmmm...I'm a little offended by that comment, especially the "sleeping with random guys" one, and that's saying a lot because I'm hardly EVER offended. I'm not the Whore of Babylon you paint me as.
I am absolutely, 100% aware of everything I do and accept all responsibility for what I'm doing because you know what? There's nobody else to do it for me, and you know that.
And yeah, I owe $75K and I'm handling that. This time around I cannot take out any more loans (obviously, since Uncle Sam shut me down, that bastard!) so I'm paying out of pocket or with a grant/fellowship. I may not get it for the Spring (at this point it's an unrealistic goal) but I'll keep applying until I do.
Just like you dream of that fabulous BMW in the driveway of your beautiful suburban home, I dream of that PhD everyday- it's MY status symbol and lets me know that I've arrived.
And I'll be glad to say as much when you get your talk show and have me on as a guest for a segment on "The PhD candidate who lives in a cardboard box in Prospect Park..."
I've offended you? Yoohoo! I've met my quota for the day, then. LOL!
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