Racial Profiling On The F-Train

Where I board the train in the mornings is normally early enough in the F-train's route that I can pretty much count on getting a seat. Usually the train doesn't fill up until we get to Park Slope.

But on the off chance that the train reaches me already kind of full and no open seats are available, I have to play a little game I like to call Racial Profiling on the F-train.

Now what this entails is strategically placing myself in front of the person I think will be leaving the train soon enough so that I can grab their seat and catch a few zzzzz's before I get to work. It's a method I have perfected since I began this job in Gramercy Park, and so far have found it has a 95% success rate.

Today, I'm going to share this method with you.

First, you have to consider what stops lie ahead of you. For me, it's stops along Park Slope, Red Hook, Cobble Hill and then Jay Street in Downtown Brooklyn that I have to consider first. Those stops are usually the favorites of young kids on their way to school. Especially Black or Latino riders- I'm almost always certain that they will disembark at Jay Street to transfer for the A-train AKA the Negro Express.

If by chance I cannot position myself anywhere near these potential seats, I look for any Hasidic passengers or Asians. They are the likely candidates to get off at Delancey Street or East Broadway, respectively; either way I can grab their seats for enough of a rest before I get to 23rd.

Of course, you have to customize this method to fit your particular train route, but you get the drift. After a while, you'll find that you will become an expert and predicting which seats will become available and which people are getting off at the same stop as you.

And needless to say, sometimes life will throw you a curve ball, like the white woman who got off at Jay Street today and gave me her seat, even though I was anxiously awaiting the window seats occupied by the sleeping black couple to her right.

When that happens, you gotta just chalk it up to experience. As in, I should have realized they were in a deep sleep, which meant they had no intention of getting off the train any time soon, but the white woman was at the edge of her seat, literally, which indicated that she had no need to get comfortable because she was leaving soon.

See how that works? Just doing my part to educate the masses...

*smooches...really, really glad that Al Farton doesn't read this blog*
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actually, let him read it! I could use the publicity...