...threats to keep your kids in line.A lot of you don't have kids. One or two of you have very young kids. Heck, some might even have some grown ass kids. Trust when I say that no matter the age of your kids, you *always* have the ability to put the fear of god in them.
And if you are child-less... I hate you! (just kidding... but not really...)
A few things you should note before using my tips, however:
1. It's best to start early. It might be too late for some as your kids may be older and set in their bad-ass ways, but the fact is the only way to keep kids in line is to show them who's boss from day one.
2. I only have about 24 years of experience dealing with kids, so I'm not an expert expert, but I've never had a kid act a fool at the Wal-Mart, so you might want to pay attention.
3. It helps to be a little crazy (or in my case, a lot) and have your kid(s) know this to be true
4. Be prepared to follow through and stick to your guns; kids can smell fear and like to see what they can get away with on a daily basis.
And now, the threats...
>>For when they're making a ruckus and you ain't tryn' to hear it-
"If you don't cut out that noise, I'm gonna cut out your tongue and feed it to you!"
>>For when they're fighting over some random ish-
"Fight it out; whoever is left standing can have [insert what they were fighting for] and seconds at dinner."
>>For when they question your authority-
"You musta forgot who you're dealing with..." [note: this threat needs to be followed by the grabbing of the belt, slipper, switch, etc]
OR my personal favorite, "If you don't like it, get the f*ck out! Peace!" [and put up the peace sign as you leave the room]
>>For when they don't want to get their hair combed (can work for both sexes)-
"No? Really? Well then let's just shave it off!" [and reach for the scissors/clippers]
>>For blatant disregard of the rules and/or all-out tantrums-
"You might want to start calling 9-1-1 now..." [as you go medieval on that ass...]
A few things you should note before using my tips, however:
1. It's best to start early. It might be too late for some as your kids may be older and set in their bad-ass ways, but the fact is the only way to keep kids in line is to show them who's boss from day one.
2. I only have about 24 years of experience dealing with kids, so I'm not an expert expert, but I've never had a kid act a fool at the Wal-Mart, so you might want to pay attention.
3. It helps to be a little crazy (or in my case, a lot) and have your kid(s) know this to be true
4. Be prepared to follow through and stick to your guns; kids can smell fear and like to see what they can get away with on a daily basis.
And now, the threats...
>>For when they're making a ruckus and you ain't tryn' to hear it-
"If you don't cut out that noise, I'm gonna cut out your tongue and feed it to you!"
>>For when they're fighting over some random ish-
"Fight it out; whoever is left standing can have [insert what they were fighting for] and seconds at dinner."
>>For when they question your authority-
"You musta forgot who you're dealing with..." [note: this threat needs to be followed by the grabbing of the belt, slipper, switch, etc]
OR my personal favorite, "If you don't like it, get the f*ck out! Peace!" [and put up the peace sign as you leave the room]
>>For when they don't want to get their hair combed (can work for both sexes)-
"No? Really? Well then let's just shave it off!" [and reach for the scissors/clippers]
>>For blatant disregard of the rules and/or all-out tantrums-
"You might want to start calling 9-1-1 now..." [as you go medieval on that ass...]
After a few episodes, your kid(s) will catch on and start acting right, you'll see. Otherwise, just call me... I'll straighten them out...
*smooches...proud mother of two kids who know better and act as such*
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I should really teach a class on discipline...I'm at the point where I hardly need these threats anymore- one look from "crazy mommy" is all they need to cut out the bullsh*t.
*smooches...proud mother of two kids who know better and act as such*
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I should really teach a class on discipline...I'm at the point where I hardly need these threats anymore- one look from "crazy mommy" is all they need to cut out the bullsh*t.
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