I have not worked out in ages. My eating is out of control. I look like I'm 3 months pregnant. I'm not getting any sleep.
I'm sure I've gained back everything I've lost and then some. And frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
Well, that's not 100% true, but my motivation level has deteriorated drastically in the last few weeks, partly because of my health and my job/financial situation, but mostly because I'm at an emotional low right now. And my only defense mechanism against the lows is food and mindless entertainment.
Which means I've become re-acquainted with the take-out places in my neighborhood (oh, how they've missed me) and I've been planting myself in front of my computer watching bootleg movies online until the wee hours of the night.
I see myself going to that bad place, you know, and it's like watching a movie. I yell at the screen, "Get up you lazy fuck! Wash the dishes! File your papers! FINISH YOUR FUCKING THESIS!" But the character on the "screen" doesn't hear me.
And of course my mind is working overtime with the five trillion worries I have right now, and my to-do list looks like the census report for Calcutta. Remember that movie Multiplicity? Yeah, I need like 5 more Jaded NYers to finish all the shit I have on my plate. Normally, I'm all for multi-tasking and overachieving and all that good stuff, but this is ridiculous.
I wonder at which point I will finally admit that it's all just too much, throw in the towel and cry, "No mas"?
*smooches...not really psyched about my birthday anymore*
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it's not like Puerto Rico is going anywhere...there's always next year...
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Operation Bikini Body, Day 42: Moving Backwards
Labels:
A Life in Shambles,
Body Wars,
Dinero,
Jobs,
Lady Estrogen,
OW My Liver,
Revelations
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5 comments:
When my 10 year relationship was ending and I felt like the world was crumbling around me, a friend recommended Rescue Remedy. You can get it at a Vitamin Shoppe or something like that. It's just a combination of herbs, in drop or spritz form, that you can take when you're feeling overwhelmed. I don't know if it was mental or actually did something but it always helped me to feel calm in the face of yet another argument, face off, bleak day.
Normally I'd call you a kook for even suggesting I "take something" for my troubles...everybody knows I only take stuff if I'm dying or bleeding or about to lose an appendage. But I'm rather desperate so I will look into it.
Thanks, doll!
I hate taking medication, unless I'm on death's door. That's why I liked this. It's au natural, just herbs. Well, I think there is a small alcohol content to make the tincture but that's just gotta add to the claim to helping you relax. Ha ha! Feel free to call me a kook. This ain't nothin'. When you're ready, I'll tell you about the neti pot.
OMG- a friend of mine actually told me to get one (I've never, in my life, been able to breathe freely from both nostrils at the same time!) But you're right; I'm not ready...
straight up... you need to get with my sister, she finally got motivated...
let me know if you want to roll with her
dantresomi@gmail.com
strength in numbers
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