My daughters are not allowed to date until we have a college acceptance letter in hand. That's the rule we've set from day one. Severe? Probably. Do I care? Not really. So a few months ago when K finally had to confess to me that she had a boyfriend (and Lord Jesus help me...he was WHITE!) I almost pulled a Madea and jumped a cross the table to strangle her. But I didn't- you'd be so proud of me!
I calmly said, "K, you do realize that you are not allowed to date yet, right? And that means boyfriends are not allowed, because you're twelve. Right?" And she did that stupid nod that kids do when they just want to appease you, but are secretly calling you a dumb whore under their breath. I know that nod. I perfected that nod! But I digress...
This morning, I'm passed out on the couch, fighting nausea and exhaustion (how, exactly, does one wake up tired?), and K walks over to me and says, "I just wanted you to know that [insert wack-ass white boyfriend's name here] broke up with me three weeks ago, so you don't have to worry about that anymore." And stupid sleepy me actually asked her why- I mean, really! Why did I ask that poor girl that?? So she said, "I don't know, he just stopped talking to me and wants nothing to do with me."
Now it has already been established that K is the Junior Champion Liar, so maybe she does know, maybe she doesn't know what the deal is, maybe they are broken up, maybe they aren't. But let's give her the benefit of the doubt and say everything she told me this morning is true...
WHO THE HELL DOES THAT MOTHERFUCKER THINK HE IS??? HOW FUCKING DARE HE STOP TALKING TO MY BABY??? OH HEEEELLL NAW!! He done fucked with the wrong Dominican family, I'll tell you what! Don't EVEN let me run into that boy in a dark alley...it's ON!!!
*smooches...plotting a drive by on a 12-year-old*
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I'm not above beating someone else's kid... the older I get the more ready I am to whoop some random ass for no good goddamn reason! lol
*so originally this post was filled with racial slurs, and then I thought- Is that really how I want to present myself to the world wide web? As an ignorant racist? But who am I kidding..I make fun of everybody... so go back and read the post again, and every once in a while, insert the word "cracker"
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18 comments:
LOL!
He probably found out who her mother was. Bwahahahaha!
Honestly, would you want a boyfriend who's mother was like you? LOL!
But on another note:
Did it really matter that he was white?
Cracker # 1 right here!
That was a hilarious reversal on the b/f kid.
I think that's how my g/f's family felt about their daughter being with a cracker. LoL!
One extreme to the other. lol. I feel you. Don't do a drive-by on the little dude though. He may have saved you from hearing your daughter say those two words which no parent of a 12 year old wants to hear.
@irene- good point, but still...he's a punk!
and you know, I never thought I'd care, but when I found out he was white it shocked me that it bothered me. Not sure where that came from, but it bothered me. But I never let on in front of her, so at least there's that.
Just another thing I'll never go to a shrink about...*sigh* silly, right?
@pan- LMAO!!! I'm sure her family was calling you all kinds of names behind your back... that's how we do ;)
@don- you're absolutely right about the two words, because then the drive-by would be on FOR REAL FOR REAL... LOL
dammit, Irene... now I can't stop thinking about why it bothered me that her dude was white... let me meditate on it and I'll see if I come up with anything this weekend. Expect an introspective post on Sunday/Monday...
Hmm,
I think maybe it's David. He subconciously left a bad taste in your mouth (not meant literally...although that would be funny) for white guys.
LOL!
*lowering my head in shame*
damn... she took it there...
LOL!
lol
ur a mess
dont be shootin up that boy's house
it's not a good look
no matter what's going on...when i come to your blog...i am guaranteed some comedy. lmao!!!
sounds like k is learning the lessons the hard way. she's just been dumped. it's the 1st time but definitely not the last (unfortunately). i have some "peoples" in BX who could fugg his lil azz up if you want? lemme know. i'll make tha call. lmao!!!!
too funny
me? i want my daughter to invite all of her potential boyfriends so that i can :
a. show them my knife collection
b. show them my scars from growing up in nyc
c. toss them a stick and ask them to spar.
so K was getting her "something new" on, hunh?
the above poster was right.
he prolly did find out who her mama is.
anybody that walks 18 blocks 2 to admit their own self in the ER....
is NOT to be messed with.
smart move, young white man.
K was too fly for him anyway.
-1-
hehehe.. why am i lmao!!
you know you go to jail for beating kids, esp OTHER people's kids
@dejanae- It's not my fault; he drew first blood, not me... he drew first blood...
@12kyle- BX peeps, huh? I may just take you up on that!
@brother omi- dads are always scarier to the boyfriends! I'm jealous!
@i can't complain- LMAO @ "smart move, young white man"
@pajnstl- jail? darn, I didn't think of that...hmmm...
@mp1- I'll try and post it on youtube ASAP LOL!!!
LMAO!! hilarious!!! i found you from belle's blog
www.allienicole.blogspot.com
OMG... I am LMFAO... girl you know you crazy.... you remind me so much of my mom...lol
"This morning, I'm passed out on the couch, fighting nausea and exhaustion (how, exactly, does one wake up tired?)"
tired and nauseous in the morning?
pregnant?
PS: I like your style of writting. You'e histerical!
@allienicole- thanks for stopping by! I'll be sure and visit your page soon :)
@eb- nobody messes with my baby! It's in the parent handbook... you'll see...
@nataleesthot- BITE YOUR TONGUE! But I'm not worried... unless it's another immaculate conception, ain't no fetus hibernatin' up in me ;)
It's just a combination of staying up till 3AM and some medication I'm taking.
What?!?!??? My niece had a Boyfriend and I did not HEAR ABOUT THIS A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO!!??? Why do I have to find out what's going on when I'm here????? Lawd..and you missy.... what's the big deal if he's white? Mrs.CUSAK?!
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