I'm not even going to make believe I have one iota of an idea of what it's like to be a rape victim.
*knocks on wood*
But I saw on MSN.com the other day about a t-shirt being sold on scarleteen.com that simply says, "I Was Raped."
Would I have the balls to wear this shirt if I were that victim? With what little I know about myself I can tell you that most likely I'd be holed up in some insane asylum instead, without much say in what I get to wear.
The maker of the the shirt believes that wearing the shirt will open a dialogue, remove some of the stigma and lift the veil of silence off the subject. Others feel some victims may not be ready for the ramifications of "outing" themselves in such a fashion (no pun intended).
My concern: do we really want something so serious on a t-shirt, on sale next to the "I'm With Stupid" and "Don't Feed The Models" shirts? And if so, what's next? "I Had An Abortion" tees? Or maybe "I Was Shot In A Gang War" shirt- yeah, that'd be cool. Or even better: "I Was In A Head-On Collision With A Semi, And All I Got Was This Lousy Paraplegia. Oh, And This T-Shirt, Too."
I get what the maker of the shirt is trying to do. I'm just not feeling how she's trying to do it.
*smooches...just not getting the point of the shirt*
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Am I way off base on this one??
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Title courtesy of Tori Amos, "Me and a Gun"
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Wednesday's "One Thing Different"-- I came home and cleaned my kitchen INSTEAD OF watching Season One of Charles in Charge online while laying on the couch... plus, still holding strong on the Perez boycott and not eating after midnight!
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19 comments:
I'm with you. Although I sympathize with rape victims, I don't see the point of wearing a shirt like that.
Hmmm...
Women who are raped are made to feel ashamed of it. People like to be so hush-hush- about it. But to me, it's a violent crime like any other (well not quite like any other, but you know what I mean).
Are gun shot victims or robbery victims pushed to keep it quiet? No! If I were a rape survivor (I so hate the word victim), I would totally wear that shirt. (Although I would have to add "I was raped...and I killed the motherfucker who did it!")
I don't think women who were raped should keep it under raps. I feel that adds to making them victims instead of survivors. I think they should talk about it, shout it out high above the mountain tops. I think they shgould actively go after the bastards that do it and be commneded for their bravery.
Keeping this crime so under raps is, what I believe, perpetuates it and causes it to go unreported.
Just stupid... I dont understand why anyone would want to broadcast that to the world in the form of a t-shirt. Ok if you want to speak to other victims and give back to the community I understand that... but a t-shirt is a bit much.
I totally agree with you!
and um... I think you might be the only person left in blog world with this darn word verification mess...
@gandi- ok, good, because I thought I was crazy and unsympathetic for a minute there
@irene- good point. however, I'm concerned that the tshirts will become this novelty item or something. I feel like nothing is sacred anymore (I'm certainly guilty of making fun of serious shit) and it'll get turned into a joke. Maybe not, but that's my concern with this tshirt.
@eb- LOL FINE! word verification is off, but if I get spammers I'm gonna blame you!!
I don't believe is wrong to speak out on it and to destigmatize the whole thing
But a fucking t-shirt is just trivializing it and opening the field for all the Muffys in the world with attention whore disease to come out and gather attention at the expense of something Dead Serious
yea, i dont feel it either, bout the shirts
funny...just returned from my weekly session with my rape crisis counselor and we discussed this shirt. I think that I am going to order one. why? I'm sick and tired of the shame clouding the atrocity that happened to me. open a dialogue - sure? to get attention - no, as I probably will just wear it around my apartment for a while. but there is something empowering about taking back the power to proclaim what was done to YOU. and if it offends you, then you have to question why YOU are offended.
@joyza79- I'm sure the shirt will offend some people because there is always that super-sesitive bunch who wants everything swept under the rug.
What would bother me about that shirt is that message tshirts, at least now-a-days, are a sort of novelty. You know, the whole "Your Boyfriend Thinks I'm Hot" and "Teachers Do It With Class" nonsense that sells in kiosks in every mall in Everytown, USA.
I don't want this particular t-shirt to become trivialized because the issue at hand is nothing to joke about. It just doesn't seem like something that belongs on a novelty item.
And thank you for weighing in on this; I really appreciate your perspective.
i understand why someone might want to get it tho
stopping the silence is always a big part of any movement
I understand the entire "trivialization" argument. I guess I don't see it that way with the t-shirts. I guess it depends on who is reading it and who is wearing it.
I've seen t-shirts that said "Stop the Violence", "My mother died of cancer", "Free Mandela"...I think that most of us can differentiate between the serious and the trivial. Those who can't, well there's something wrong with them, anyway and hopefully life will weed them out.
is that really something that someone who has been violated would wear??? i dunno. i feel you, jaded.
I see it as akin to reclaiming our voices or taking over those words that were meant to harm but not empower. We have Take Back the Night events around the country. Gays and lesbians have taken back words like "fag" and I don't know about you women out there but I took back "bitch" a long time ago. I don't see it as derogatory, I use the word to symbolize my strength, power, and voice. And I love to surround myself with the strongest, most powerful bitches that I can. They are my friends ... my mother, my sister ... me.
I agree with Irene about being able to see the difference between the serious and the trivial t-shirts. And you know what? If you ever see a shirt like the "I was raped" shirt and you think those words are being trivialized, at least another dialogue has been opened so this is continually discussed and not pushed under a rug. Not saying that there's anything right with the trivialization but that there is everything right in raising your voice against the continued stigma.
I'm not feelin this shirt either - perhaps a function of the stigma, but I just don't see why everyone would want to publicize it. Like, who would wear a "My boyfriend gave me crabs" shirt or whatever. It's just one of those things you confide in close friends to support you through it so that you come out NOT stigmatized. Now, wearing it around the apartment - that could be empowering. That part I'm ok with. And I agree with Irene, "... and killed the mother fucker for it." THAT one, I'd wear everyday until the damn shirt could stnad on its own.
If my boyfriend gave me crabs, I'd not only wear a shirt saying he gave it to me but include his name, address and phone number so no one else get anything from him either.
To me, hiding accepts the stigma. Just wearing it around the apartment accepts the stigma. It says that I am not strong enough to accept what happened, to learn to live with it, and to shout to the world that I am a strong enough woman to tell my story. Wearing it in public and, therefore, announcing it to the world says that I'm not a victim, this is not a stigma, and anyone who wants to sleep with that sorry ass man is going get crabs.
Raquel ... kudos to you for bringing this topic up. I think this is a great dialogue about a very touchy subject.
@kelly- I know this is a serious discussion I've opened here, but I had to take a minute to laugh at the crabs t-shirt with the dudes name, number and address... sometimes I get these crazy visuals in my head that's hard to get rid of- a side effect of too much TV as a kid, I suppose.
I'm really glad that we were able to get a variety of views going on the subject. And no one had to be booted or anything!
Kudos to you guys for keeping it civil...
I don't get the fashion statement. I think I'll stick to my "Morning Wood" t-shirt. =D
my therapist was in Africa recently where people wore shirts with "I HAVE HIV" to raise awareness. what do you guys think about that?
@ jaded nyer - thank you for encouraging open dialogue.
I was talking to my mom and sister this past weekend about this shirt. I thought my mom was right on when she said that it should have read "I am a rape survivor." I think that makes a much stronger statement, has much less of a victim sound to it, and opens a dialogue that seems a lot less confrontational.
@joyza79- thank you for stopping by.
re:the HIV shirt... I think that what was troubling me about the rape shirt, after thinking about it again, was definitely the stigma attached to it, and that if it were ME, I wouldn't want anyone to see me in this shirt and point fingers and say "You asked for it!"
Same would apply for the HIV shirt, because more often than not, people assume one has the disease because of something they brought on themselves, rather than it being something that happened to them.
Did that make any sense?
@Kelly- I have to say, your mom's suggestion *does* make me less squeamish about the shirt, but I still don't know if I'd want to wear one were it me.
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