OK Black People... Help Me Out...

I cannot, will not have another Saturday like this one. Because from this moment on I absolutely REFUSE to hang out in Park Slope any more.

I've finally come to the realization that YES, I am a laid back kinda girl but when it comes to my precious weekends I need debauchery. I need a pumping baseline. I need to see ignorance on the dance floor and I need to feel like my life is in danger at some point but not really. I need to hear Biggie and Luda and Mos Def coming out of the speakers, and maybe even a lil Sean Paul for good measure.

Basically, if I walk into a place and I see some uber-skinny, long-haired freak in a fedora slinging booze I'M OUT!! NO MAS!! Here's me waving the white flag.

[waves white flag]

From now on I need to stay on the Flatbush side of the Slope. Or stick to Bembe.

Actually, you know what? FUCK IT. That's it... from now on, I'm just gonna party across the bridge. That's right, you read correctly, unless I'm at Bembe, I'm just gonna schlep my ass uptown where I know I will feel right at home.

It's really, really a sad state of affairs when the highlight of my Saturday night was hanging out at a Dominican restaurant in the Heights with a bunch of drunk men watching the tail end of the Mets game and talking a lot of shit. But it was funny shit. Engaging. Almost had me choking on my sancocho.

Honestly? I really felt at home up there. And the cuties were out in full effect, flossing on the streets, in their cars. Shit, I even saw a dude in a fucking Lamborghini- NO LIE- right there on Broadway and 177th, and he tried to pick me up... I shoulda just hopped in and called it a night!

Maybe that's where I need to be from now on...

*smooches...fed up already. for real.*
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so go ahead and let me know where all the beautiful black people are shakin' their asses, 'cause it sure as hell AIN'T in Park Slope!!!

I mean for chrissake! how am I supposed to meet my Mr. Right among those freakin hipsters??