Help me out here because I'm having a crisis of conscience and I'm absolutely torn as to what to do...
In the house next door, upstairs, lives this Indian (Bengali? not sure...) family with various small children, all under the age of 10.
EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL- and I'm not exaggerating- I hear one or more of those kids crying. At first it was annoying and I was like, "Ugh! Can those fucking kids just shut the hell up?" K and I even had a running gag of: "Kids are crying next door? It must be 6 o'clock..."
But a tiny Voice would always say to me what if the mom is beating them? You might want to report it.
I try to ignore that Voice because far be it from me to tell someone how to run their house, and I really don't know the situation before or after the kids start crying. Kids cry for a trillion insignificant reasons. However I can no longer deny that sometimes those cries aren't the annoying, whiny type but rather the OMG I'M IN DISTRESS type.
Again- this is all speculation. I've never seen a bruise or cast on any of these kids, one of which plays with N sometimes. Maybe I watch too much Law & Order: SVU or something; I don't know.
I guess what prompted this post is that on Sunday, around 5:30PM, I hear one of them crying AGAIN. Actually screaming crying. Then I hear the mom yelling and repeatedly hitting the already crying child. Hitting that child in anger. I believe in spanking, I've spanked my kids as punishment in the past, but this did not sit well with me. She was hitting that child in anger, and even though I don't speak her language there was no denying her tone.
She was hitting that child in anger.
A long, long time ago, when Irene and I lived in Hornell with a 2-year-old K, I witnessed my downstairs neighbor physically abusing his wife. She was trying to take off in the car but he jumped into the passenger seat, punched her in the face repeatedly and dragged her back into the house.
I closed my shade and turned off the light- I was PETRIFIED! Never in my life had I witnessed something like that. What if he saw me? What if he comes up here and threatens us- two young women alone in a house at the end of a cul-de-sac with a small child? I've never known fear like that ever, and I grew up in Bed-Stuy in the 80s! I never reported it, and shortly after they moved away and so did we. I've always regretted not saying something and letting my fear take over, and really hope she's okay today wherever she is.
I mean, I like living here in Greenwood and I've stayed under the radar in the two years that I've been renting in this quiet little neighborhood on this quiet little block (crying kids and wigger council aside). But honestly, I don't want to come home one day and see ambulances on my street because I didn't look out for a kid in need.
Do I risk turning this family's life upside down to alleviate my own conscience? People, I'm really at a loss for what to do...
*smooches...praying that the right decision jumps into my lap*
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I'd really hate to report them and then be wrong, but I'd really, really hate to be right and not have done anything about it.
And on the flipside- why hasn't anyone else called the authorities? I KNOW I'm not the only one who hears that child screaming every fucking night!
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15 comments:
i think that u should just let it be... like u said its speculation, at least wait for the evidence... if you are that concern, sit by the door and listen to what is going on...
or a braver thing to do is to talk to the parent, casually...
saying... i hear babies crying frequently. is everything alright, or something... and if she lets u in, talk and support her...
if not...
pray.
that's tough
i prolly wouldn't say anything if i weren't sure
maybe when your daughter plays w/their kid next go w/her
meet the mom
and have a one on one w/her
saying something like... "these walls are paper thin"
or something
-1-
Hon,
Imagine where I'd be if someone had made a simple call? Think about it.
If you think the kids are being mistreated, you call. There are no if or buts about it. ACS will investigate and if they don't anything, then no big deal.
But you absolute must call. PLEASE! I am begging you to call. No one ever called for me and I swear to God I wish someone had.
It's okay to be concerned about other kids. Think about how you will feel if something happened and one of them wound up dead. Think about that 7-year-old girl who was beaten to death by her father. Imagine - what if someone was doing that to your kids?
Too many people say to 'mind your own business' or 'what if it isn't true?' Yeah, well if someone had questioned Mohammed Atta or Hani Hanjour we might have 3,000 more souls living their lives right now.
Don't talk to the parents cause they will tell you to mind your business. Make a call to ACS and let them handle it.
yeah this is a tough one... but if its tugging at your conscience maybe you should say that in the report... that its just speculation... if they come check it out and its nothing than at least you know, but if there is something there then you may have saved a child' life
I agree with Irene. It's better to be safe than sorry and all that. They won't know it's you that called. It's best to have child services just come and check it out. If nothing's going on, then that's the end of that. But if there is some foul play, those kids will be thanking their guardian angel for making that call.
you closed the shade? what about the gentle breeze?
no, seriously...usually i would say see no evil and hear no evil but when it comes to suspected child abuse i think you have to follow your first mind and report it.
child abuse scars children, so i'd get on the phone and express what i feel is taking place with your neighbors.
I love you, that you know. I had to remove my kids from thier father because of that anger. Would have loved help. Maybe the mom just needs her eyes to be opened, and help.
Make the call you don't have to leave your name. It's NY you're not the only neighbor.
You know that tinge of suspicion you have when you THINK someone is gay - but you never really say anything? And then one day they come out of the closet and you say I KNEW IT!
Well, in this case - a kid is being abused and you just don't wait until the bruises show.
First - you don't have to give your name.
Second - once you hang up the phone, you're done. You have NO idea when they invetigate or even *IF* they investigate. You will have to completely let it go.
Third - I can't believe I agree with Irene
Fourth - I can't believe Don, and Irene and *I* all agree!!
Fifth - Make the damn call and keep it moving. If you SUSPECT it ... the nigga gay.
Ummm...I'm agreein with most of what Jack said.
Here's something to think about. Part of the issue may be mathematical, part may be cultural.
Culturally:
Some cultures have a more *umm* verbal way of communicatin where it's loud and shrill...plus
Mathematically:
If you have ten kids, you'd prolly be buggin the eff out too.
I'm a lil more confrontational about it.
I'd just knock on the door...hoping she opens it and smile to let her know she's being LOUD.
Fuck It! if nothing is amiss, in time it'll come out, drop a dime, these are KIDS that probably can't or won't call themselves, this will let them know that they matter to someone somehow that their well being is called into question, and if nothing else, will give the overdisciplinarian some pause
I say make the call. spanking and beating out of anger are different things. I always thought hitting an already crying child is overkill. if they crying they already not happy.
lmao@wigger council, that's still funny to me.
CAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!! all you have to do is give them your piece...it is up to child services to determine whether or not its true. for lack of a better comparison, i watch animal cops all the time. people are always calling on other folks...and thats just over animals. 99% of the time, there is abuse and they get in trouble. out of the many episodes i've seen, only ONE call was in vain.
you're not gonna say you saw her do this or witnessed that...just report what you hear, most importantly the children's screams. its unsettling to adults, but also to other kids that may be seeing/hearing this. i am ALL about calling and writing letters. i don't play that. i've had a neighbor evicted...i played detective and realized something was up with her. i made numerous calls and wrote letters...turns out she was a psycho and was constantly creating disturbances.
but that was an adult....children sometimes don't have voices to speak out against abuse...especially if its at the hands of a "guardian."
oh, i meant to add...what i wouldn't do is start talking to her or the kids or poking around yourself. now, thats a way to start up some stuff. but an anonymous call is completely the least you can do at this point without being/feeling too intrusive.
As a peds nurse I would say report it, as a mother I would say, go to her and ask her if anything is wrong. Also check and make sure she isn't in need of help before you decide she is beating her kids. As a CASA worker, I would tell you the worst thing you can do to a child is to remove them from their home, NO MATTER HOW AWFUL IT MAY SEEM TO AN OUTSIDER. Kids love their moms, even an abusive one. As an Indian American I can say that yes, spanking is within our cultural relms, but not abuse. Make sure that's what it is. When you visit her, take a look at the kids. If they have old and new bruises or multiple healing wounds, this is a sure sign of abuse. I would call DYFS if you see these signs. But I think you need to have a conversation with her first, before you do anything.
First- thank you so much to everyone for helping me see all sides to this and make a rational decision...
I called Child Protective Services, without identifying myself or the family in question so as not to stir anything just yet, and presented the situation as I've relayed it to you all here.
the agent confirmed that it's not enough to go on because A) I didn't SEE anything and have never witnessed any visible signs of abuse and B) because I don't know the family he could not look them up and see if other complaints have been lodged. He advised that if I see anything that screams ABUSE I need to call the police next time. fair enough.
in all honestly it might just be some bad ass kids screaming and crying just because, as I've been suspecting. It was Sunday's "spanking" that really had me concerned.
Like I said I do believe in spanking, but I suppose it's such a subjective thing... maybe what I consider spanking is not her definition. Cultural differences are definitely a factor here, I agree.
I suppose it's a testament to either City living or maybe my own upbringing that A) I don't know my neighbors and really have no desire to get to know any of them and B) that at first I would just categorized the crying as coming from some bad ass kids.
all I can do now, as most of you suggested, is be alert. And definitely at least speak to the mom in the future, seeing as our kids play together!
again- thank you everyone. for now, at least, I've done all I can. hopefully the kids are just bratty and not being abused.
*besos*
R
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