It's a well known fact that I am uber-psyched about the fact that I am no longer married to C. And that is the gods-honest-truth.
However, he's still the father of my kids so I can't just disregard his existence like I want to, because my babies' well-being depends, in part, on his well-being. So I play nice. I'm starting to wonder if that has to also extend to his new girlfriend.
Here's the deal:
While we were married, we started this little "tradition" of taking the girls to the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. And if you've never been, you have to go at least once because it is an AWESOME show and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Rockettes and *sigh* it reminds me of when I wanted to BE a Rockette... but I digress...
We take them every year. Yes, we still take them. We get dressed up and go to the show together.
Last week he sent me an email and asked if we should continue to take them, because it appeared to him that K was losing interest.
I didn't want to be upset and jump to conclusions, but his email reeked of the new girlfriend. And if that's the case...
*clears throat*
"Excuse me, hon? Yes, hi, how are you? That's great. Listen, not to cut you off or anything, but let me please remind you of something... YOU chose to become involved with a divorced father of two that first and foremost, before anything else in this world, has an obligation to his daughters.
You were not there to see them fall the fuck apart when I told them that C and I were getting a divorce. I can still actually remember very vividly every painful moment of that day.
This tradition that we started is the one thing they can count on every year from the both of us, and I'm not about to sit here and let you talk in his ear about maybe it's time to stop going. I really hope that is NOT what's going on.
I really could care less about the two of you, but when my babies are involved, you'd better believe that that claws come out.
We ARE going to the Christmas Spectacular this year. Period.
And although I was fine with you inviting yourself to N's birthday party, you are most definitely NOT invited to the show with us. Have C take you another day because this is a FAMILY AFFAIR, and I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but family of mine you ain't.
And YOU *points to C* do me a favor, get your balls back from her for a minute and realize that it is NOT okay to bail on this show. At. All."
And FYI- I asked K if she is actually tired of going to the show, and she looked at me like I slapped her face, saying "NO! OF COURSE I want to go to the Christmas Show! It's so much fun!" So, yeah, I wonder whose bright idea skipping the show was...
*smooches...wondering where some people be getting the damn nerve*
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and even AFTER he puts a ring on her finger, she's STILL NOT INVITED to the show. How 'bout that?!?!
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31 comments:
Dear kin of PF: If you insist on whispering sweet somethings into C's ear about anything remotely close to infringing on the parental side of myjadednyer, I will be forced circumcise you and feed your favorite parts to the first animal I come across at Lincoln Park Zoo.
I'm jus sayin ...
Dear C: Conflict-averse men should wear aprons, say "yes maam," wrap their hair at night and subconsciously jump up and down and clap when they get excited. Stop being a bitch.
I'm jus sayin ...
Jaded: my blood pressure spiked reading this post and I'm about to light up about eight cigarettes and smoke them simultaneously to ward off the hives and the twitching of the neck.
I am now adding this bitch's phone number to the list of phone numbers you owe me.
I'm jus sayin ...
you have very eloquently illustrated the level of anger I reached when he approached me about this mess...
I don't like being seen with him anymore, okay, but I KNOW my babies live for this show.
so when he ccontacted me talking 'bout "K looked bored last time" I wanted to scream: BULLSHIT!!!
If I had her number I would give it to you, don't worry... and for the record, she needs to ALSO recognize that she ain't all that, and that IF I WANTED TO, I could VERY EASILY take her man!!!
UGH- that's how mad I am over this... I actually just typed that shit... ARGH!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-w0-agVE8g
This is the exact reason I don't do "family" things with my baby momma. I'm not starting no traditions that I'm not trying to maintain. Dude was wrong to try and put it on the kid.
Jack's comment made me laugh so hard I damned near choked on my tea.
Her here!
Are u a baby momma Rox??? That made me laugh just now...anywho! Do call me today as mommy actually predicted this in her crystal ball of havoc :-)
LOL @ JadedNYer and Jack....
I think that's a wonderful tradition and the kids probably look forward to it all year.
question: If either of you got married again would the new spouses be invited?
yikes! thats a mess...i would really hope she is not doing so. that is extremely inappropriate. that is so cool that you guys go, so keep it alive...even if you have to claw out an eyeball or two :-S
Eh, I am gonna just suggest that maybe, just maybe this has nothing to do with the new girlfriend. I know we all love to hate her, but remember, this is C we are talking about.
It IS possible that he just doesn't want to go anymore, isn't it?
@jack- too funny! (and true)
@super dave- he finds new and inventive ways to remind me why we're divorced everyday
@bangs and a bun- yes, Jack has a way with words lol
@mari- whatever happens we CANNOT tell mami... you know she's already funky about the whole thing!
@keisha- that's a good question, and right now I'd have to say no; I think this is something that we do for the girls as their parents and to bring other people into it doesn't feel right to me... I might have to have a conversation with this fool...
@pcd- I hav no proof so this is me speculating but YES, I truly hope I am wrong because I'd hate to have to come out my face
@irene- it is possible, and I thought about that...
and if that's the case, he needs to freakin grow a pair and say something instead of putting it on the girls. It's not like I want to spend time with him, either!
He just needs to suck it up because it's not about him it's about the babies...
He should realize that they can also speak for themselves. Just because he thinks he saw a bored look doesn't mean he has any right to make assumptions ... and then to make decisions based on those assumptions.
Why not ask the girls what they want? I'm sure they're going to feel the tension between you and your ex even more than the two of you will.
What about a compromise? One year you take them, the next year he takes them. Or you take them to this and he can find another holiday thing to take them to.
He should realize that they can also speak for themselves. Just because he thinks he saw a bored look doesn't mean he has any right to make assumptions ... and then to make decisions based on those assumptions.
Why not ask the girls what they want? I'm sure they're going to feel the tension between you and your ex even more than the two of you will.
What about a compromise? One year you take them, the next year he takes them. Or you take them to this and he can find another holiday thing to take them to.
Girl,
C has never had a pair. You took them a long time ago, just as I have taken Gary's. LOL!
You know how he is. I think it's time you had yet another sit down with him and find out what is truly going on.
@kelly- I did ask the girls and they are looking forward to the show just like they do every year.
but you have a point... maybe it's time to NOT go with him anymore and just take turns.
I just wanted to have this one nice thing for the babies where they can see that he and I are still their parents- does that make sense?
@irene- you know he's coming to the game tomorrow, right? It's his weekend w/the girls but I wanted to take them so as a compromise I invited him (UGH!)... should I bring it up then? lol
and you're not the first person to tell me I emasculated that man but whatever... he let me have his balls! HA!
TJNYER....I'm not big on traditions, but I do feel you on keeping a sense of normalcy in the lives of the munchkins. Stand ya ground.
Irene - your calm, rational voice of reason is annoying the fuck out of me. We're mad at him AND her, DAMMIT! Get with the program. Ugh.
Awww, and bangs gave me a shout out - *hugs bangs*
Jaded - At some point, the tradition is going to have to start, or expand. I understand that - but is it really time to do that yet? Perhaps you can both agree to expand the tradition by allowing EVERYONE to bring one person - each kid can bring a friend NEXT year, and each parent can bring a friend too.
Seriously, you don't just fuck with a kids world like that. Does he have to use the children to show signs of a committment? Tell the nigga to buy flowers, to turn of the TV, to deflate the doll and shut down the internet porn for a day or two - SOMETHING. There's a myriad of other ways he can prove to ANY bitch that he's serious without fucking with his relationship/traditions with his kids.
Let a mother fucker tell me that he needs me to disappoint my kids to prove myself to him! LET him. I'll drop kick the audacity right out of him.
Aye, no - I can't do this again - the hives and the twitching are coming back - vengefully. And hyperventilation too.
*eating popcorn*
I think I'll simply read the comment section on this one. Jack is in rare form.
If I had her number I would give it to you, don't worry... and for the record, she needs to ALSO recognize that she ain't all that, and that IF I WANTED TO, I could VERY EASILY take her man!!!
That's what I'm talking about...who does she think she is. She must not know 'bout you?
*instigating like a mugg*
GIRL!!!!!!!!!!! I wish we could sip some tea and talk about it!!!
@rezidl- for this year, at least, I'm insisting on it and that's that.
@jack- will you STOP reading this post before you have a heart attack?!?! lol
@don- Jack doesn't play when it comes to A-kids and B-me, so yeah, he's all fired up today
and STOP starting trouble! I have to see this man tomorrow at a basketball game! lol
@green- thanks for stopping by... and yes, maybe I need some chamomille to calm me down lol
I so want to be your friend right now. So I could do the following
*run into her at the grocery store (by accident af course) and give her a mean look as I run my basket into the back of her legs (by accident of course). I hate Biotches like this I really do...let me calm down I don't even know that lady...hell I don't know you...LOL
Sorry for the dual post.
It makes perfect sense. And I don't think they'll ever forget that you're their parents.
I'm a child of divorce myself, my parents separating when I was all of 5 or 6. My sister and I call ourselves the poster children for divorce as we lucked out that they were adult enough to admit to themselves and each other that it wasn't working, instead of dragging it out. They both remarried and, for all intents and purposes, we were raised with four parents. All kept the same rules, none allowed special turf privileges in order to sway us to one side or the other.
They never hang out. Well, except for the "big" events such as graduations and whatnot. They've admitted to having issues with each other which, when we were kids, they kept away from us because that was not our burden to bear. Still isn't.
I do understand the desire to keep some sense of normalcy or tradition. And it's good that they're looking forward to the show. But I guess part of my question also included asking if they want to go with the two of you ... if some of the "bored" was a sensing of the tension between you two and trying to figure out how to deal with that while still enjoying the show.
Gah! I hope I'm not being too personal here. My family has been through their share of divorces (there's A LOT of us) so I tend to get all in people's business when it comes to talking about that topic.
lmao - omg , why do men let women try to convince them that ish is wrong when they know damn well its right...
I am more mad at that ... then you crazy antics... you are too funny..
no family of yours fo' real...
lmao @ you telling her should wasn't invited
Well not to rock the boat but if she want to come and she is in a serious relationship with him and not just some passer by, you might want to consider it. I can understand why a woman would question why her boyfriend has to go alone with his ex to the kids function.
lol @ clnmike..."Well not to rock the boat.." and then you say the one thing thats SURE to rock the boat. I can just picture a roomful of angry women giving you the deathstare right now. HA!
... a room of angry women and one VERY pissed off gay Puerto Rican ... the palpitations are back. I really need to stop reading this post.
*throws a shoe at clnmike and leaves*
word of advice:
I don't know C. and I don't know a thing about your relationship.
I do feel however (having an older child with another woman), it would be more mature on everyone's part if you, C, and the babies got together and discussed it. C should have never said a thing about it unless he spoke to you three in the first place about it.
to be honest, and i have mad love for you, you are acting pretty immature about it all. I agree, he sounds like he is bugging (i wish you posted the email so we can determine what it "read" like). you are actually jumping too a conclusion if you think his current girlfriend has an issue with it.
constructive dialogue is the way to go. YOU should be the bigger person and set it up.
@suite b- LOL... yes, yes, calm down... I have no proof it was just a feeling. but good to know the blog world has my back just in case! :)
@kelly- I hear what you're saying. I guess what's upsetting is that there is no tension between us. We still joke around and everything like before, and I feel like I go out of my way so that he won't feel uncomfortable because I *don't* want to be labelled the crazy baby momma.
I never bring these kinds of things up until after I've let my feelings run its course, so now that I've gone through the motions and vented I can approach him about it without attitude.
@eb- I have to find the humor in it or I'll go nuts!
@clnmike- but why do we have to deal with HER insecurities, IF that's the case? whatever, though, like I said, I have no proof it's just a feeling...
he can do what he wants. Come Christmas eve, me and MY babies will be in the first balcony at the show. With or without him.
@and1grad- LOL... nah, no one's mad at him LOL
@jack- I stand corrected... can you please NOT throw shoes at the readers??? LMAO
@brother omi- oh I know I'm jumping to a conclusion, but yeah, you'd have to know him to know what I mean... he's not really a decision-maker; pretty much allows himself to be told what to do. I should know, I did it for 13 years.
I'd like to think he's different now, but who knows.
either way, like I said, I'll talk to him about it tomorrow before he comes to get the girls... I'm taking the babies anyway because they really look forward to the show every year. He can decide what he wants to do on his own.
@ JACK
I know...I don't know what's wrong with me. I gave birth and apparently all of my angst went right out the window.
*sniffle* I miss it. If I divorce Gary, will I get it back? Cause I can do that, ya know.
whew. i'm late but this made me MAD!
i'm sure you put her/them in their place.
ugh.
and lmao @ jack. his comments are almost as funny as your posts!
@irene- OMG you did NOT just say that!!! lol
@muze- child, yes... however, I just got off the phone with him...
@everyone- he said that he is still down for going every year, he just thought K was bored of going and didn't want to be THAT parent that forced kids to do something they no longer considered fun.
I over-reacted... HOWEVER, I love that you all have my back and helped me reason this out so that I'm not making mountains out of mole hills... I'm so happy to have clicked with such a supportive community of bloggers, so thank you all very much for your very helpful comments.
Now Jack, apologize to clnmike for that shoe-throwing incident...
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