...to inform you that The Jaded NYer is in a deep, deep depression, and nothing you say can snap her out of it, because...
...
...
...
HER SWEET LIL BABY HAS ENTERED INTO PUBERTY!!!!!
Yes, her cuddly, snugly little eight-year-old Schmuckin LaWooken, within a year's time, will most likely... OH GOD WE CAN'T EVEN TYPE IT...
develop... BREASTS!
*falls down dead*
They went to the doctor, to inquire about a worrisome lump on Ns left side. The Jaded NYer spent most of the night crying her eyes out thinking the worst- (The Big C)- and she didn't fall asleep until maybe 4AM. But the lump, the doctor informed her, was nothing more than the child, the lil baby girl, developing.
We (The Voices) are not sure how long The Jaded NYer will be in this coma, so for the time being we will be speaking on her behalf.
We appreciate your time and patience. And prayers. (Even if she is a heathen)
*smooches...because that's how she usually ends her posts*
-----------
(I think she also ads a post script after the smooches)
(really? what does she write?)
(I'm not really sure, but I've seen her do it)
(should We add one?)
(not unless we have something to say... if you ask me it's just a bullshit gimmick)
(dammit, Clementine, I think your mic is still on)
(oh crap!)
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
We Interrupt This Blog...
Labels:
A Life in Shambles,
Babies,
Bellevue Calling,
Body Wars,
Humor,
Lady Estrogen
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18 comments:
Cancer?
Well congrats to the kid.
You do say congrats for these kind of things right?
In my family, it was a congrats with a knowing look shared among the women of the family. Oh, and then there's the I-want-to-crawl-in-a-hole-and-die look from the woman-child being discussed.
I just gotta say that it's so nice to know that I'm not the only one with the voices in her head, or to refer to them as such. Ha ha! They never seem to totally shut up. I think they prefer to give me moments of supposed silence so I can let my guard down enough to be caught off guard when they show back up again. Ugh.
aww shyt the voices have names? I demand background stories on all of them... lol
uummm Good Job!! is that what you say to kids?
@clnmike- yes, we were thinking Cancer because that's what we do- automatically think the worst.
and, um, I'm not sure if kids get a congratulations about that, although the baby did seem excited about it
@kelly- the woman child in question here actually wanted to tell all her friends today, so we had to introduce her to the words "modesty" and "discretion"
@super dave- Hi, I'm Clementine... And I'm Rebecca... We're the only two taking over the blog right now while The Jaded NYer is off her rocker...
I (Clementine) am the one who usually talks her out of beating the crap out of random people on the subway because it's not lady-like.
And I (Rebecca) am the one who asks her to reread that angry email before she presses SEND, but she hardly ever listens to me...
There are more of us, but the rest are busy trying to get Jaded to snap out of it... but We think you've already met and/or heard from Lady Estrogen... she blogs on here from time to time... she's the one in charge...
Didn't we discover that Lady Estrogen is a bitter drag queen?
I think you should have totally allowed her to tell everyone. "hey, i got tits like mommy!" That would've been cute.
@jack- yes, um, The Lady is in fact a "he" but PLEASE don't tell "her" We said anything... she's under the impression that no one notices the adam's apple and the mysterious bulge in her pants...
and I'm pretty sure Jaded would have responded to part B of your comment with a:
CALLATE, CARAJO!!!!!!!!
and a:
*SUPER DOMINICAN STANK EYE*
*falls down dead* hahahahahahahaha.
Too funny.
And I see she didn't learn anything from Jesse Jackson's hot mic conversation.
she, being The Jaded NYer.
I swear it feels like I'm watching some top-rated sitcom comedy when I click onto your link. Where have you been all my blog life?
@don- We here at The Jaded NYer appreciate your patronage; it is readers like you that keep us on the air, err, We mean internet.
And yes, Clementine can be a little ditzy sometimes. We apologize for her outburst. I believe she's the same one who responded to your "Sushi" post way back when...
Please know that Clem's opinions are hers and hers alone... the rest of Us enjoy the post scripts on this blog...
lmao!!
you need to be syndicated. i swear.
tell jaded to snap out of it and stop feeding the baby whatever she's feeding her!
lololol.
We thank you ;)
We spoke to her about that; hopefully she'll consider an organic food diet from here on out to reverse any damages from any growth hormones the babies have ingested...
The voices know you well ... urr, I mean - hey voices! You know her well. While she's down and out in lala land (did you drug her? I'm curious. She HATES drugs) I wonder if you can do something for me. There's this phone number I've been wanting for the LONGEST time. Do you know it?
I believe she's the same one who responded to your "Sushi" post way back when... Oh, I knew the accent sounded familiar. That had to been one of the funniest blog comment I've ever read.
@jack- hey, hon! um, about that number... with her last breath Jaded made us promise not to do anything you ask. Sorry! You know normally you can get anything you want from Us, but she said no...
@don- *sarcastic voice* yes, yes, ha ha, funny... NOT!
lol
damn...next think you know boys are going to be calling the house
ok I don't mean to laugh at the Jaded ones pain but this was hilarious!
*turns on light and sits in recliner reading, "how to manipulate those with multiple personality disorder" *
@dessex- NOOOOOO! don't jinx it!!!
@the f$%k it list- not funny :(
@jack- you're evil...
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