I Wish...

...I could churn out an awesome screenplay set in the south, so that I could use "Darkness in the Delta" by Cassandra Wilson in the opening credits.

...that Haagen Dazs, McDonald's, Dominos, Popeyes and Atomic Wings didn't taste so freakin good, because then I wouldn't be 20lbs overweight.

...I hadn't insisted on wearing heels all those years ago because I wanted to be 6ft tall; now my knees and back are paying for my vanity.

...my computer would stop holding me hostage every night with its promise of Netflix, YouTube and Blogger until my eyes bleed.

...I could fall ass-backwards into a lot of money so that I can spend the rest of my days sitting in the bay window of my Park Slope brownstone reading books and eating mangos.

...that the Beatles hadn't already written the song "Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey" because that was the working title of my autobiography.

...I wasn't so afraid of fame; hell, if an idiot like Paris Hilton can do it...

...my hair would comb itself.

...I had powers, like Prue on "Charmed" or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Or like Peter Petrelli.

...this presidential election was over already, because the suspense is killing me!

...I had enough hours in the day to volunteer at the NY Foundling Hospital; the thought of babies in need of hugs makes me sad.

...everything I wrote turned to gold; then my nom de plume could be Midas!

...I could burn calories from typing; I'd be the fittest creature on the planet...

...money would stop burning holes in my pockets.

...I could have been a student at the old Degrassi; I totally would have dated Luke (Andy Chambers) and been best friends with Lucy (Anais Granofsky).

...my brain would just balance itself out already... I'm tired of waking up with that knife in my hand...

...I had been nicer to and more appreciative of Grandma when she was alive.

...everyone I knew had Verizon so that my phone bill wouldn't be so high.

...I didn't even have a cell phone, so that I could go ghost good and proper, and reappear when I was good and ready.

...Axl & Slash would mend their friendship so that Guns N Roses could get back together and rock out like only they can.

...this blog didn't own my soul.

*smooches...wondering which one of these wishes I wish I had more*
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maybe the super powers... yeah, the super powers would be awesome...