...I could churn out an awesome screenplay set in the south, so that I could use "Darkness in the Delta" by Cassandra Wilson in the opening credits.
...that Haagen Dazs, McDonald's, Dominos, Popeyes and Atomic Wings didn't taste so freakin good, because then I wouldn't be 20lbs overweight.
...I hadn't insisted on wearing heels all those years ago because I wanted to be 6ft tall; now my knees and back are paying for my vanity.
...my computer would stop holding me hostage every night with its promise of Netflix, YouTube and Blogger until my eyes bleed.
...I could fall ass-backwards into a lot of money so that I can spend the rest of my days sitting in the bay window of my Park Slope brownstone reading books and eating mangos.
...that the Beatles hadn't already written the song "Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey" because that was the working title of my autobiography.
...I wasn't so afraid of fame; hell, if an idiot like Paris Hilton can do it...
...my hair would comb itself.
...I had powers, like Prue on "Charmed" or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Or like Peter Petrelli.
...this presidential election was over already, because the suspense is killing me!
...I had enough hours in the day to volunteer at the NY Foundling Hospital; the thought of babies in need of hugs makes me sad.
...everything I wrote turned to gold; then my nom de plume could be Midas!
...I could burn calories from typing; I'd be the fittest creature on the planet...
...money would stop burning holes in my pockets.
...I could have been a student at the old Degrassi; I totally would have dated Luke (Andy Chambers) and been best friends with Lucy (Anais Granofsky).
...my brain would just balance itself out already... I'm tired of waking up with that knife in my hand...
...I had been nicer to and more appreciative of Grandma when she was alive.
...everyone I knew had Verizon so that my phone bill wouldn't be so high.
...I didn't even have a cell phone, so that I could go ghost good and proper, and reappear when I was good and ready.
...Axl & Slash would mend their friendship so that Guns N Roses could get back together and rock out like only they can.
...this blog didn't own my soul.
*smooches...wondering which one of these wishes I wish I had more*
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maybe the super powers... yeah, the super powers would be awesome...
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12 comments:
I think you need that brain balance wish to come true, you and a knife could cause trouble.
R, I love this blog post. Some points made me think, some made my stomach hurt (laughter), a few others made me want to walk all the way to brooklyn and offer pull a heist with you, especially @ ...I could fall ass-backwards into a lot of money so that I can spend the rest of my days sitting in the bay window of my Park Slope brownstone reading books and eating mangos.
Don't I know what you mean...
I wish ...
... Raquel would have even one wish from the list come true.
... and that I could fall ass-backward into a lot of money too. I also wouldn't mind a Park Slope brownstone. It would be so much better than walking dreamily by them on the weekends.
I wish other people would enjoy the Radio Game as much as we did...I wish others had a sisterly bond filled with cereal box stories ---because whether it happened or not, it's plain ol' funny!
Love u
I wish...
...I could move into a home where I wouldn't have to worry about parking or my MIL.
...I could hike the Grand Canyon.
...I could automatically eat all the right things.
@super dave- me and knife cause trouble?? no way... I don't know WHAT you speak of, kind sir...
@don- heist? um, I don't know what you're talking about... we're law abiding citizens in these here parts
*the comments expressed here on The Jaded NYer are not necessarily approved by the owners of The Jaded NYer, and therefore if people were to commit heists that benefit the owners of The Jaded NYer... it's not The owners of The Jaded NYer's fault*
@kelly- awww... thanks for using one of your wishes for me :D
and if we both get brownstones, it should be on the same block... then we could wave at each other from our bay windows lol
@mari- THE RADIO GAME!! We should totally market it to Milton or something, make some money off of it!
and for the trillionth time... I did NOT hit you with a cereal box...lol
@irene- I wish I could crave leafy greens and fresh fruit the way I crave french fries... *sigh*
I wish you would stop acting like you'd be sated with all these wishes granted. You'd just create a whole 'nother list. I've met you.
*steals mango and runs away*
@jack- I wish you worked in the office next to mine so I could go in there and smack you upside the head.
NOW GIVE ME BACK MY MANGOS, CARAJO!!!!!
*runs after Jack*
Lol, that is a good title for a book.
I think powers like Prue from charmed would be AWESOME.
And yeah Degrassi I miss that show, but the new ones are pretty good too. And the old characters like Snake make appearances. Guilty pleasures!
@clnmike- isn't it, though? I wonder if I could still use it... does MJ still own the entire Beatles catalog?
@-1- that is an awesome wish! I hope it gets granted :D
*the f$%k it list- can you imagine me abusing my powers all over Manhattan? Bliss...
Me me me me... I have VZ.... yay...
and as long as you have some lemondrop shots in ya system you wont even have the right frame of mind to be afraid of fame...lol
are you coming to the blogger's delight event tonight?
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