Dammit, America, you've let me down yet again. Just when I thought we saw eye to eye on the issues, that we were on the same page on all the issues, you go and do this to me.
You elect Barack Obama as President of the United States.
For SHAME! What would your forefathers say?? Somewhere, George Washington is cursing like a sailor, "I fought the British for THIS bullshit? Nah, man, get my face off y'all damn money!"
And now, because you have betrayed me so, I have to date a white man.
Yes, you read correctly.
For those of you who don't know or remember, Lani & Mari went in on a bet with me stating that if Obama won, which I found highly unlikely, I'd date some bland little Anglo. I figured, if America was gonna act all color-blind (HIGHLY UNLIKELY) then so could I, but I really truly did NOT think he'd win.
Next thing you know, the fucker got the fakakta nomination and now? Motherfucker is President.
I'm officially in mourning.
The worst part is that Mari is already putting on her Evil Scientist cap and has her operatives scouring all of Williamsburg for the most despicably gross specimen of White Man: The Brooklyn Hipster.
*throws up a little in mouth*
My god, my god, why hast thou forsaken me? Must I really go through with this? Is there really a Hipster out there so DESPERATE that he'll let Mari set him up with her mean and Jaded older, divorced sister, who happens to be a single mother of two carrying around about 20 years of bad man baggage and 15 pounds of excess weight?
Hmmm... maybe I shouldn't be so sad and forlorn just yet... I doubt such a loser exists...
But question: Does this mean that Blacks will be getting Reparations now? If so, tell me because I need to call C and tell him I may have made a mistake with this whole "divorce" thing... "I was only kidding, hon, we belong together. No, really. So... when's your Reparations check coming in???"
*smooches...preparing myself for all the dumb ass conversations I'll have to have on my date*
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"no, actually, I don't think Deathcab for Cutie rocks"
"did you really just say fo'shizzle?"
"oh, please, yes, tell me why you think Obama is 'The Man'"
"yes, thanks; I love my skin color, too"
"really? you're into old school hip hop? there's a shocker.."
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23 comments:
HA I remember and I am now my glow from his vote is even brighter. I can't wait to read about this one.
P.S. WE TOLD YOU THIS MAN WOULD WIN!
Girl, I didn't think he'd win either so don't feel bad.
Hey, you can date my husband. Sure, he's married, but they never put in the contract that he had to be single did they. And he would never say "I like your skin color". He knows better. He's pretty submissive too, you could toy with him then send him on his merry way.
LOL!
lol.. I completly forgot about this bet. Hey on the bright side you and your new man can share skinny jeans lol wait I'm guessing you don't wear skinny jeans. How about going scarf shopping? lmao
girl you dumb... I swear if all it took was for us to get reparations for you and C to get back together I would be on the floor... you know he would only give you the Mule... He's keeping the 40 acres....lol
and I am looking forward to the soap opera that is about to develop with you finding you a melanin challenged individual to smooch with...
As the token white person here, I feel I should weigh in. I mean, I should say something in defense of the white boys, right?
So, what if you go on this date and you actually like it, huh?
You know what they say; once you go white you....ahh shit, even I can't finish that sentence.
@the f$%k it list- I love that this is entertaining to you... meanwhile, I'm one date away from being arrested for a hate crime! lol
@irene- OMG, NO YOU DIDN'T!!!! Poor Gary... lol
@super dave- dude, you'd better believe there is NOTHING skinny about MY jeans; I have a mirror and I know my wardrobe limitations!
@eb- you know how long I put up with that fool?? I don't qualify for reparations myself, so I either need to remarry him or find a new sucker, er, I mean black man... LOL
And yes, this will be a soap opera... stay tuned (me and my big mouth... *sigh*)
@bangs and a bun- if I like it? hmmm, I never even considered that possibility...
LOL @ not being able to finish the sentence... because you know, in any country on the planet, The Brooklyn Hipster is THE most ANNOYING species of man PERIOD!! Ha!!!
LMAO @ SuperDave. Dique I bet you don't wear skinny jeans. I had to cover my mouth to keep from bursting out in laughter in the middle of this class.
LMAO @ bangs and a bun. Not being able to finish it. too funny.
Once you go white ... you stab yourself repeatedly in the eye with a tookpick?
Mari - if you're out there ... contact me! I would love to help you write the personal ad.
Mari, OMG, DO NOT LET JACK HELP YOU WITH NOTHING!!!!!!!
HE IS EVIL AND, UM, EATS BABIES AND, UM KICKS PUPPIES!!!!!!!!!
LMAO. I've gone out with a couple of white guys. The conversations are...different. Gotta love 'em. Good luck!
Who said that you had to honor the bet? Lmao!!
Reparations check sounds good rite about now.
Does your date have to be white, or just wear all white ?
Seriously...you doubted...why?
Blacks may or may not receive reparations. If we do, I would hope there comes some education with it and that we make some intelligent decisions on what to do with it (i.e. Don't spend the money on cars, clothes, and...you get the point)...that's if the reparations is money.
@kayellejaye- I've been on enough first dates with white dudes to know: Thanks, but no thanks! lol
@12kyle- WHAT?! My word is my bond... it's all I have... I must go through with it...
@dipsetjam- next time I see you online I'm sending you the angry yahoo smiley, watch!!
@beautifully.conjured.up- I honestly did not expect him to beat Hilary but then she got all shady so I knew it was a wrap for her... but the presidency? In America? Nope, I did not expect this at all!
Damn I forgot about that one, lol.
A bets a bet.
LOL - hilarious...really hilarious!
Whoever thinks Rocky does not have to make good on this bet is clearly insane or knows nothing about her crazy lil sis ----ME! I would never let her get away with this,with as much crap as she talked about my boo Barack. And yes, I did call him my boo ;-) My BFF's in Brooklyn are on the prawl for America's best hipster especially chosen for my dearest older sis!
Can't wait!
@clnmike- yeah, you forgot but NONE of my so-called "friends and family" would let me forget it
@darius- yeah. ha. ha. *side eye* lol
@mari- your "boo" you say? SMH... you've really lost it now...
LOL... Go for it. Live a little.
Please don't bring up free money give aways. Obama isn't thinking about that and black people shouldn't expect it. LOL
ha
i wanna hear about this
and u gotta post pictures
mkay?
wow
i forgot about that...
oh i can't wait until you blog about it.
@urban thought- so that's a NO on the free money, then? good... I did NOT want to have to remarry that fool! *wipes sweat off brow*
@dejanae- but of course I'll post pics!! what kind of Jaded NYer would I be if I didn't?!?! lol
@brother omi- et tu, brute, et tu??
LMAO @
"no, actually, I don't think Deathcab for Cutie rocks"
"did you really just say fo'shizzle?"
"oh, please, yes, tell me why you think Obama is 'The Man'"
"yes, thanks; I love my skin color, too"
"really? you're into old school hip hop? there's a shocker.."
I expect a camera phone snap of this Anglo Saxon when it all does go down.
LOL
@bam- but of course! it ain't no fun if the homies can't... oh wait... wrong song... um, yeah, I'll take picks! lol
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