The show last night was hella-cool, y'all... check out the archived segment and make sure you're there next week, Okay, cuz we STAY having fun on BTR...
------------------
And now the post:
------------------
All things carnal have been on the forefront of my mind lately... I know I never talk about this shit over here but AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! A girl can only take so much before an entire F-train car of commuters are found stabbed in the throat by my wine key. I'm just sayin...
When I'm grocery shopping, doing laundry, commuting to work, reading a damn book, watching old B&W movies- all of a sudden, everything reminds me of sex.
It also doesn't help that most of the songs in my iTunes library have sexual undertones... what the FUCK, iTunes?! You know my situation... can you just CHILL with that mess already?
I almost even took it a step too far- a "dinner date" with Mr. Baseball, but thank the Lord Jesus Christ Almighty (you like how I bring out the "lord" randomly, knowing full well me n him ain't friends?) that he had a family emergency in SoCal and had to go out of town. Bullet. Dodged. Until he returns to NYC, that is.
Did I mention he plays baseball? And is damn near 40 but has a body that won't stop? Did I mention that? Even though his attitude is ten trillion times STANKER than mine and I SWORE to myself that I'd NEVER speak to him again? No? Well, I'm mentioning it now. Because D-A-M-N his body. won't. quit. And I think it was barely my birthday the last time I saw a real-live penis.
Bare with me, y'all. I think I'm having a hot flash... is it time for menopause already?
And the weather this weekend helped, too; kept my ass indoors where instead of participating in some sober, sweaty monkey sex with some random loser from Bembe, I discovered that those magic eraser sponges are the SHIZNIT!!! Yo- my cabinets have NEVER looked better.
(Ay, yo, Mari- tell Rene's woman que me mande mas de esas esponjitas... I gots LOTS more scrubbing to do!)
But honestly, with lots o' talk of STDs and HIV buzzing around me lately, coupled by the fact that I recently watched Philadelphia AND the episode of 90210 when that young woman speaks to Brenda's health class about how she got AIDS at 16 by having unprotected sex with some Law Student loser, when I even THINK of sleeping with someone, FOR REAL, all I keep thinking is: "Where are your papers? Hand them over... Matter fact, let's have our first date at the clinic, mmkay?"
Besides, call me crazy, but I don't think I want meaningless sex anymore, no more FWBs or swinger party invites or casual hook-ups; I'm just not into it anymore. Unless you're my man it AIN'T gonna happen, and funny thing? I'm not ready for a man.
See the problem here? Yeah, me, too.
So, yeah, I'll be chillin here in the cut for the time being, eating my feelings and keeping myself busy with projects and babies and books and floor scrubbing... just me and my coochie cobwebs... because we all know about idle hands and shit. That's how K got here...
*smooches...wondering if I can break my own record and make it to a year*
----------
would I get a prize if I go a year? 'Cause I like prizes... and can my prize be a penis?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
15 comments:
Honestly, sex is so overrated. I mean, after the 15 minutes is up, then what? You have some dude in your bed and nothing to say.
Hmph - he has a body that won't stop and a stank attitude - seems to me he'll be good for one thing...get it from him and just learn to detach your feelings...you know, one person scratching the other person's back...literally!
Try over a year and still counting. I've been a serial monogamist my entire life. The last one lasted ten years. Since then, it's been my and myself and I ... and my two cats.
Sigh. Pathetic. Stupid cobwebs. And I've always been afraid of spiders too.
But I prefer that over any of the diseases and other sh*t you mention. Plus, still just not ready for the drama that always seems to come with a good romp in the hay.
@irene- I usually just say, "OK, gotta go, don't call me I'll call you" but I'm not in the mood to do that anymore... lol
@darius- no I cannot; he comes with all these strings attached... but the flesh is WEAK!! As soon as he gets back from Cali... I don't know what's going to happen...
@kelly- Over a year?!?!
You, my good lady, are my hero...
I don't even know what to say.
Look if you are not ready for a relationship and don't want any FWB action, then maybe we need to take a trip to that lovely store on W4th.They have plenty of toys that will make you say Man who needs him.
And then the rest of this year you can work on getting a boo! I know a guy interested?
OMG, a year is so long! You would definately deserve a prize.
I wouldn't be able to make it. When everything starts to remind me of sex I know its only a matter of time.
@the f$%k it list- I've been to that store many times; they have nothing I want or need, unfortunately *sigh*
Now about this guy you know... lol
@a.j. brown- I've gone 8 months before so we'll see how long it will be this time. I'm aleady closing in at 8, January will be 9 and in Febrary I'll be dead LOL
does Mr Baseball have a BMW? maybe you can have him wear a Santana jersey and throw in a Cusack movie, while ya'll get busy. knock out 3 things at once... lol
@super dave- I think I've put too much of my personal life up here because you totally nailed it...
if all those things were in place I wouldn't have even written this post because I'd be too busy having all his babies LMAO!!!!
pretty funny. i went 3 years and sent my friends countless emails complaining about my sexual frustrations. But it was def worth it.
Girl, I did a year and a half once and you know what, it was worth doing that rather than jumping in the sack with every random loser who approached me during that time. Rock and a hard place (or, you know, searching for the hard place, as it were) and all that.
*sigh* you make my vagina sad for you... do we need to pony up for a vibrating friend for you??
The vagina and penis are muscles. and like any muscle, it needs occasional maintenance just to make sure it's working properly otherwise it loses its strength.
*cues uncle luke*
work it out, work it out...uhhhh work it out!
Dr. H10
@queen- I hope it will be worth it :D
@bangs and a bun- it's nice to know that it's been done without people dying LOL
@qucifer- nah; they don't do it for me :(
@dr. h10- um, okay... sure...
I'm all late on this. My computer was broke and I just got a new one. Anyway this yearI had sex on Jan.21 and not again until Oct. 26th. I was rough but I could have went longer but as you said "flesh is weak"
I've gone 18 mos before...it was tough!
Post a Comment