President Obama, I Presume?

Welcome to the White House. Many people have been anxiously awaiting your arrival, believe you me. These same people were all UP MY ASS during the elections to get me to vote n shit, and I finally did... my first election, and I even voted for you. Wasn't that super nice of me? Say thank you, dammit!

WE INTERRUPT THIS LETTER TO THE PRESIDENT TO ASK:
Did you listen to Monday Musings last night? Click here for the podcast and here for the blog. I showed my ASS for real on that one... woo! I wouldn't be surprised if people just stopped coming over here altogether after listening to me discuss race relations... only time will tell.
AND NOW BACK TO THE LETTER

So let me tell you a bit about me, Mr. President, so we can avoid some problems during your stay at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

You might find my name on a few "lists" in your office. It's cool; I earned that spot and there's no need for you to erase it or anything. But I did vote for you... just wanted to put that out there. Bush and I didn't get along so there was bad blood there; it might have affected some shit, I'm just sayin...

I talk a lot of smack about a lot of people (hence why I may be on those lists you now posses) and, well, I have no plans to stop. In fact, I've talked a lot of shit about you and I plan to continue it at my leisure.

See, while everyone else is all, "change has come, blah blah blah" I know that although your speeches are moving and your charisma undeniable, you are nothing more than a mere mortal, and a politician at that, so anything that comes out of your mouth is calculated within an inch of its life. I take it all with 50 trillion grains of salt. You're gonna have to prove shit to me; call me Doubting Thomas if you want but I'm gonna need to see your stigmata negro, or we ain't got nan one word to say to one another.

Listen- David Koresh and Jim Jones had great speeches and tons of charisma, too, so you don't impress me. I won't be sippin from your kool-aid anytime soon. I need action; enough with the words already... we get it, you're eloquent, you're educated. So am I. So is my neighbor. Hell, even my Al Qaeda landlord is! That shit is nothing new. You don't get a pass because your daddy was African.

Until you've been in office a while and have proven that you can, indeed, begin the wheels of change, to me you are just some dude who said a ton of pretty words at the right time and won the election against a really old dude and a not so old broad.

Trust me, your re-election depends on it.

*smooches...welcoming President Obama in my own Jaded way*
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did you expect anything less?? c'mon now, what are you, NEW?