What The Hell Did I Sign Up For??

I really just shouldn't be allowed to answer emails after eating a large fry from McDonald's, because I must've been in that damn haze when I responded to an invitation to be a part of Career Day at my old high school.

*record scratches, everyone at the party stops to stare at me*

Yes, you read correctly. Me. Speaking. At Career Day. To many an impressionable young mind.

What the fuck?? Shouldn't there be a little voice somewhere that pops up when I'm about to do some stupid shit like this and scream in my ear: HEY, DUMBASS! What are YOU gonna talk about on Career Day- how to skip class, flake on projects, play poker on the back staircase and still manage to graduate and attend college?? 'Cause that shit was practically your major!!

Where was THAT voice when I needed it?

So I sign up for this thing, right, and I think at the very least it will be a hoot and a half and I get to see my old stomping grounds and take funny pictures to send Jack of me stopping "traffic" on the stairs after lunch.

But reality, in the form of a follow up email from the school, slaps me in the face... check out what is expected of me at Career-Freakin-Day (I've highlighted the portions that can just eat a bag of dicks):

Career Day

Sat, 28 Feb, 2009 9:00 AM - 1:15 PM

This event provides an opportunity for current Technites to listen and ask questions of alumni regarding their careers. Also, presenters are invited to share their high school experiences and learn about current day Tech.

Following our success from last year's initial event, we ask that you please join us for the Second Annual Career Day. Your attendance would come at a crucial time, as many of the students will soon be choosing their Brooklyn Tech majors.

The event is sponsored by Brooklyn Technical High School, the Brooklyn Tech Alumni Foundation and the Young Entrepreneur Association -- a student-run business that started up in early 2007 with the goal of promoting entrepreneurship and entrepreneurial thinking at the high school level.

Presenters will lead two 35-minute presentations, during which they can describe aspects of their careers, such as:

* the demands their profession sets for them and what their jobs entail
* their experiences in the profession
* their educational backgrounds
* advice for prospective future workers
* the challenges they faced along the way
* a typical day at the job
* aspects of their careers that they like and dislike
* what majors they believe would best fit the career

Each presenter will have a student host with them to field any Career Day-related questions that the presenter (or the students) may have.

The audience members will also have time to ask questions before moving on to other presentations. All presentations will run simultaneously, with the presenters remaining in the same rooms and the students walking around in between presentations.

And look at what they CLAIM I will get out of it:

Presenters will leave with the satisfaction of knowing that they will be influencing some of today's brightest minds that will prove to be the career professionals of the future. During the complementary breakfast and lunch, presenters will also be able to network with other professionals and talk to members of the Young Entrepreneur Association.

What fresh hell is all that??? That's not what I signed up for! I wanted to go there and goof around and warp some underage minds with scary tales of the real world, and then they go and make this shit all serious. I mean... 35 MINUTES of talking about writing? TWICE? IN ONE DAY?

Someone just shoot me now... would it be wrong to show up drunk?

*smooches...more nervous about Career Day than when I delivered my thesis lecture*
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and another thing-- what if no one stops by my presentation?!?!

*falls over dead*