So one chokes the shit out of me and the other gets stuck in the pockets of flesh in the back of my throat. I may just start taking the Flinstone chewables I bought for N.
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I can't stop throwing tantrums when I don't get my way. In 20 years it's going to be real sad to see a 54-year-old woman kicking and screaming because the books she ordered online took more than 10 business days to reach her door. Real sad.
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I've had like three people ask me if I'm OK with my ex getting married so here's the deal, straight up, from the heart: he and I were NOT meant to stay together and splitting up was the best decision we ever made. I have no desire to be his wife or girlfriend or anything like that. Only thing that makes me a tad green is that he found someone before I did... as if we were competing or something... because I feel like it speaks volumes on why we split, i.e.- IT WAS ALL MY FAULT. And who wants to believe a break up was their own fault??
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I'm still looking for a wife; someone to come to my apartment and do all the domestic shit I don't want to do. I mean, yeah, I could have K & N do it, but they suck at house work! In return for the household services and running basic errands, I'm willing to offer my writing/editing services and/or home-cooked meals and baked goods, plus the occasional free book and hair styling to said potential wife. I promise you wouldn't have to wash my undies (cause ewwww, who's wash someone else's undies??) or N's socks. Hit me up in the comments if you want the gig.
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I don't want anything happening anywhere near my butt:
I swear to GOD somebody will be stabbed to death and then some if they even attempt it with me. You've been warned.
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I would gladly give up many of my worldly possessions for a great-paying writing-related gig that didn't require me to work from 9-5. I'm too much of a free spirit to be confined to business hours. I know that no matter if I leave my PR gig and find another, I'll grow to hate that one, too, because they'll have all these stupid rules about hours and vacation days and AAAAACCCKKKKK!!!! When did we become so married to business hours?? That's NOT how our natural body clocks work. Can't we see how we're killing ourselves??
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I miss all my old dolls and stuffed animals. I had them in storage after I left The Waco School for Girls, and by the time I went to pick them up they smelled funny. Moldy or something. So to be on the safe side I had to toss them out. My baby Sha-Sha, my Cabbage Patch Kids Felix Johnny (who still kinda smelled like baby powder... CPKs used to all smell like baby powder... like real babies) and Regan Kristi and the stuffed elephant that used to share my crib, Elly. My mom made that elephant for me. It hurt to death to throw them out.
Maybe that's why I feel so empty? Because all of my childhood "friends" are now in a landfill in VA somewhere?
*smooches...happy to set some of my thoughts free*
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I can't tell you how many of these random things fly around my head and keep me up at night...
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6 comments:
I've been having a lot of random shit scout out places in my head these days too. From now on I'm just gonna let 'em out and see what happens.
Girl, in this economy you better be happy you have a job to hate and home to clean. You could unemployed and living with your mom washing her stinky socks. *watches Raquel shutter at the thought* LOL!
I think we could make a peach of a pair. Ha ha! I'm a neat freak, to the point that I swear there are times when people "fear" coming to my house because they don't want to get it messy. Not cool. I don't care if they get it messy. I'll just clean up behind them when they're gone.
Alas, I have two kitties. While I do keep the place clean, I can't keep all the hair and dander away. I know you're allergic so that nips that in the bud.
If my sister and I could ever find a house big enough (and a bank account big enough), we could buy that multi-family apartment we've always wanted and you and the girls could move in. In return for my cleaning, I'll be more than happy to accept all the home-cooked meals and baked goods (baked goods! baked goods!) you feel like making.
LMAO @ "What What" I haven't seen that in sooooo long.
I think you should take your "wife" ad to Craigslist. You'll get a hit if nothing else.
Girl, choke those vitamins down with some juice or food, that's what I have to do.
Yea, I need for you to stop throwing tantrums. Do your kids look at you like you're crazy when that happens?
Oh and I'll trade jobs with you, you take my reporter gig and I'll take your PR gig.
If you go to a site like the one for Vitamin Shoppe and search for "liquid multi vitamin," you'll get a ton of hits. I just tried it and got about 2800 results. That's just on the Vitamin Shoppe site.
I tried typing in "liquid biotin" but didn't get very clear results.
Might be an alternative?
@irene- oh trust me, I'm glad to have A job, just wish the hours were different!
@kelly- YES, please tell me when you and Kate buy that building and I'll be there ASAP!
@smarty jones- yes, I've thrown tantrums in front of them. Last time was when the Eagles knocked the Giants out of contention. I beat the crap out of the sofa and they ran away and hid in my room LOL
@kelly- I *heart* you!!! liguid vitamins!! Who'd a thunk it? I'm all over it- THANK YOU!!!
You just had to put that vid up didnt you?
Now that thing is going to be stuck in my head all day.
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