Friday, April 24, 2009

Things I Couldn't Tweet...

...because I was in church.

Yes, even I have some respect for the inner sanctum of the supposed house of the lord. Well, that, and I was afraid Mami would slap my phone out of my hand with just a stern glance if she even suspected I was Tweeting about the Easter service.

So these are mental notes that The Voices were kind enough to hold onto for me:

1- I think the woman at the end of my pew is speaking in tongues. Really? This is my life?

2- Look at that big ass hat. Damn! I know the dude sitting behind her is pisssssed!

3- I will never understand the meaning of these "dancers" up on "stage" during the service...

4- OOPS! Mami just busted me taking a nap... was I snoring?? How embarrassing!

5- So she wants money to help her feed some hungry kids overseas? Um, we got hungry kids right here, lady... NEGATIVE!

All in all the Easter service was rather painless, especially since I took that sweet-ass nap during the sermon *yawn* *stretch*

*smooches...taunting god since 1997*
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it's been over 10 years since I left the church and I'm still here to tell the tale.

damn it feels good to be a gangsta...

10 comments:

Tiffany S. Jones said...

Not quite in Hell, but you're on the hot floor of purgatory.
This is why I didn't go to church on Easter, I let the CMEs (Christmas, Mother's Day and Easter parishioners) have my seat on Ressurection Sunday.
I find that Easter Sunday services are the worst because people bring their kids to church who haven't been since last year and they don't remember that they're not supposed to scream and hit each other.
And I couldn't take seeing a powder blue suit on a grown ass man. *shudders*

dejanae said...

HEATHEN!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Janet actually had the absolute nerve to ask Gary is I was going to church on Easter.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Anonymous said...

*shrivels Up and dies*

In all fairness, I've texted people mid-funeral

The F_Uitlist said...

And you wonder why the spirits aren't listening HAHAHA.

I think I sent my best friend (who was right behind me) a text during service, because we were wondering why the Pastor and dancers looked so annoyed. Because the choreography was not choreography at all. hahaha

ShellyShell said...

Heheh! I'm with Smarty. I let the the folks who come on Easter and Mother's day have my seat. I actually went to service and they told me I had to sit in the 3rd floor parlor...uhh negative. Then the lady said we have 12:00 service. I said nevermind I'll holla at the Lord next week. I'll let all the Negrodians have their Easter Sunday! LOL!

I ended up meeting Eb and going to brunch!!

The Jaded NYer said...

@smarty- I only go as a favor to my moms... otherwise I would have been home watching movies and eating burnt toast. LOL

@dejanae- and you say this because you know all about heathen-ness, too, right? ha

@irene- is she new??

@QQ- I knew I wasn't the only one! At least I actually refrained from doing it IN the church!

@the f$%k it list- but it wasn't my fault... WHY was that lady hootin and hollerin in gibberish?? how was that my fault? I only report the facts.

@shellyshell- I would have joined y'all but it's one of the few times I appease my mom and go to church with her. The next time will be Mother's Day.

Unknown said...

you know i forgot about the great naps i took in church. If i didn't have capoeira this sunday, i would go to one of those churches to take a nice long and needed nap...

Mo said...

taunting God, youse a mess lol

Eb the Celeb said...

Who said you cant tweet in church...

and I came over here looking for your embarassing HS pic and you did me dirty... cuz I dont see it anywhere!