I should be in a better mood these days (for reasons that are NUNYA) but NOPE... that damn gray cloud is right there, above my head, waving n shit like we're homies. And I can't shake it.
I was thinking it's the weather- it's going to rain all freakin week- and that perhaps I should invest in a light therapy box, but when I googled them they were crazy expensive. I may need a doctor to sign off on it so Oxford can pay for it.
(Oh, didn't I mention? I had to ditch Empire BC/BS because they raised premiums and lowered my options. In my book that equals BOO!)
So all day I've been exploring what has me in such a funkity-funk, and The Voices have informed me that it's a combination of:
1- My MFA Thesis: I really don't know why I can't make myself finish it. And before you all respond with "Just do it already" that's all well and good in theory, but when I sit at the computer to work on it I just plumb don't want to. So please accept that this is something I just need to come to terms with on my own, and it will happen when I'm ready for it to happen.
2- Capital One, Juniper Bank, CitiBank and Sallie Mae: DEBTS, DEBTS, DEBTS. I don't think I need to explain WHY this sits heavy on my soul.
3- Doctor, Doctor: I've been putting off an appointment with the dentist and my regular doc to get a few things straightened out and verified and X-rayed, etc, and much like the thesis, I keep putting it off. But again, like the thesis, it's something I just have to get to in my own time, when my brain is ready to accept the reality of what is happening to my body.
4- WORK, ARGH!!!: It's no secret that I've been looking for something else, since the industry I currently work for is a soul-stealing devil in a blue suit. Finding the right mix of salary, flexible hours and compatibility has been extremely difficult. So much so that I blame all my new gray hairs on my job search.
5- Media Empire: All my lofty goals to be the Dominican Oprah? On pause. I wrote out an awesome 5yr plan... and then proceeded to ignore it. Sad, right? And then I put Monday Musings on hiatus and didn't realize it would cause me to suffer from something I can only imagine as similar to Empty Womb Syndrome. THEN I began suffering from writer's block.
THEN my brain exploded and spilled all over my sofa. So now I need a new sofa. But who has money for a new sofa? I can barely keep my rent paid and my phone on...
So yeah... I think I have every reason to get moody. I dare you to say no!
*smooches...even though I'm feeling crappy*
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no fair to deny you my sweet kisses just because I'm being a Crabby McCrabberton, right?
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7 comments:
I am going to be your therapist for a moment.
Is it possible that the reason you can't finish your thesis is because once you complete it you will have your MFA for real?
I mean, once you have your MFA, you probably have expectations of yourself that you have not yet achieved or not ready to move forward with. And that could be really scary.
The other stuff..well, you know what you have to do.
@irene- Man... ain't nobody ask you all that!!!! Where's security?!?! Irene and her logic is NO LONGER ALLOWED here!!! lol
(you're probably right, but I'll never admit it...)
Hey Jaded!
I totally understand where you are coming from. I feel the same way about a lot of stuff. I just take it day by day. Don't let it consume you or it will drive you crazy!
Irene MD. Very well put.
I'm not going to tell you to just do it already, but I will say maybe you need a change of environment so you can focus.
Sallie Mae and all them bitches, sign up for a deferment, pay off any other bills and then back to the other loans.
Lastly you can't let all of these things bring you into a funk, they are the way of the world for about 90% of the population. So you rid yourself of them a little at a time and PRAY for the strength to do the rest.
"I should be in a better mood these days (for reasons that are NUNYA)" *cough*LOVE*cough*
Eerrrrrrr.....yes you have every right.
@gem- OH SNAP!! You thought you could sneak in this comment and I wouldn't see it?!?!
*SIDE EYE*
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