Disclaimer: I don't anyone to freak out when you read this... take a deep breath and know that everything is better now and that although I was at the brink, on the ledge and all that, I never took it there, and probably never REALLY intended it. OK? Ready? Remember, don't freak out... if you do then I won't feel right telling you anything ever again. OK? Promise? OK...
I recently let my mind go to a place that I swore I'd never let it go, but thankfully I came to my senses.
I couldn't find the words (ME, the WRITER, couldn't find the WORDS) to re-tell the tale as it happened because The Voices- you know, the ones with the REAL talent- kept turning it into a creative piece, embellishing it at every turn, so I decided to not fight the power or the creative brain.
So if you want to read the semi-autobiographical tale of my dance with the devil (meaning it's not 100% accurate) you can click here for my creative writing blog and check it out.
But remember, you promised NOT to freak out.
*smooches...happy for the music and musicians that bring me back to life*
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especially ani... I swear she has a song for everything that ails me. she is MY Michael Jackson, for real...
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8 comments:
No reaction here. We all hit that wall at one point or another. And then something pulls us out of it, maybe its the tears cleansing your mind and body, or Dare I say it a higher being some might call... GOD.
i'm just sayin' :)
Oh lord, I have so been there, more than once unfortunately. So I know how you felt.
Why is it that I came out of that really wanting an iPod? LOL!
I too have been there. In the depths of something way deeper than I ever thought I could be and thought I'd never claw my way out. Luckily, I have a few guardian angels who came out of nowhere and pulled me back from the brink. And reading your post and the replies above makes me realise that we're never alone in what we're feeling.
@the f$%k it list- I am lucky to have been pulled out indeed. Thank you Sean Paul!
@irene- you need some sort of mp3 player PRONTO
@bangs and a bun- my brain knows we're not alone in this but in the moment doesn't it feel like no one could possibly know your pain? It's so suffocating...
I have an MP3 player, but all the these speakers and cool gadgets only work with the iPod!!!
You have such a great way with words and such a raw honesty. That was dark but also lyrical in a way. I've looked into that black hole too but could never have quite put such words to it.
@kelly- there's such a siren song that comes out of that black hole, one can't help but look I guess. It looks so peaceful in there, so quiet, so perfectly not here. I couldn't help myself.
I've been there, more than once.
It's amazing how the mind travels to so many options when you let it.
Thank you for sharing.
Do you think that you're good at hiding this from your daughters because you actually are, or is it just your perception? I wonder what their perception will be, looking back. It's hard to hide it in the eyes sometimes.
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