(This should be the last of it. I think. We'll see how it goes... basically I read a good book & heard a good message at church & began to REALLY re-evaluate my life, for real this time.)
For those who never read The Alchemist (or did and found it BLAH), you're probably wondering what about it touched me so deeply? Well, it really spoke to me from the introduction. And I never read the introductions in a book- I find them pretentious and unnecessary. But for some reason I read this one. And right from there I KNEW this book was for me.
Coelho spoke of four things that keep people from following their dreams, all of which I fall prey to:
1- We are told from childhood that our dreams are impossible (CHECK)
2- Love for others keeps us from following our dreams because we don't want to hurt those we love (CHECK)
3- Fear of the defeats waiting for us during this dream journey (CHECK)
4- Fear of realizing our dreams (CHECK)
I was four for four and convinced that this book was written for me and me alone. And that's why I read it and that's why I've been in this euphoria ever since I finished the last line of the novel.
So here I am, face to face with these four obstacles and a list of things I want to do in my lifetime and I'm struggling to make sense of it all. Like, how do I hush The Voice that sounds a lot like my mom putting me down? How do I stop caring about what others think of me? How do I battle fear of success and the unknown? How do I FINALLY quit letting things happen to me and MAKE things happen for me?
This is what I've been thinking about since Saturday.
One thing I hate about all this introspection? There's no quick fix or easy answers and above all else I need to do and learn, having more patience is at #1. "Slow and steady wins the race" right? RIGHT?
And I feel like I have armed myself with some good information, some well-placed angels and motivators and a will to succeed that has long been dormant and is slowly rubbing the sleep from its eyes. I can see this path that I want to take (I got that lil tidbit from The Wizards of Waverly Place Movie... don't judge me- it was chock full of messages that mirrored The Alchemist's message, too. I'm telling you... "there are signs everywhere" [that line I got from Fools Rush In LOL]) and the steps necessary to get there.
It is a long, arduous road with many, many steps that may very well take years. However I can not afford to be afraid to commit to it, to trust myself and what it is I want. I need to get a hold of some Patience In A Bottle. STAT.
Only thing now is to actually define what it is I want. I mean really, really want.
(It might be time to put aside that one dream of having Buffy, The Vampire Slayer back on the air, seeing as the series finale of Angel pretty much destroyed any chance of that. But I won't, however, give up on that dream of having magical, supernatural powers. I won't. I know they're in there somewhere. I just KNOW it. I'm gonna keep that on my list.)
*smooches...kinda scared to move forward, but more scared not to*
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in the meantime, can someone please come over here and clean my apartment? I think I'd be able to think more clearly and find my Personal Treasure if my apartment were clean...
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11 comments:
Hey darlin,
Don't worry about formulating a solid picture of what you want in your life. Understand mostly that your life has a purpose. Sometimes we create ideas of what we want and go running full steam ahead toward them only to find they are not exactly a right fit. Rather try and focus on fulfillment and Faith and confidence. Those things will generally help guide you in the right direction regardless of what deity you believe in. Be introspective and once you realize that life is very much about your journey and that there is no set destination - it gets easier to not see life as a list of questions for which you are frantically looking for the answers so you can like, you know, live life...
Understand that you are living it now. And so I leave you with one of my favorite quotes:
“For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.” Souza
Later babes... sorry so long..
Does this mean you we are going to see a completed version of your thesis sometime before the end of the year?
What?
I'm just sayin'.
;P
@amber- living in the now. hmmm. I'll have to really work at that because I'm a notorious planner, plotter, etc, with OCD tendencies to write everything out and look at it from 30 sides before moving forward.
This is going to be harder than I thought.
@irene- see, this is why I always have to get security to escort you off the premises...
kinda strange to see you in this light. trust me...i feeeeeeeeel you tho! sounds like we're in the same boat
@12kyle- it feels strange to BE in this moment, trust me. Usually I'll just say screw it and sleep it off and go back to being passive. But this summer was soooo bad that I have no choice but to actively make changes in my life. UGH. I loathe hard work...
@thejadednyer
And that's why I keep coming back...like a scorching case of herpes.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
@irene- how are you just going to use my own tagline against me??
"SECURITY!!!"
lol
There is so much of myself that I see in this three-part series that I have to admit that there's a part of me waiting for you to find the answer so I can ask you what it is. But then that means I'm falling back into the passive "other people" situation, instead of figuring myself out for myself and by myself.
I have let fear stop me. I have based my view of myself on everyone but myself. I have been passive for an embarrassingly long time. I'm now trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do and at a loss because I spent so much of my life looking to everyone else by myself for the answers.
Your list of "how do I ..." really hit home. It's hard! Harder than I thought. Harder to face. Harder to accept that I let myself get to this place.
Hang in there. I know it doesn't always help much but know that you're not alone, not only in feeling this way but literally as well. Yes, you should try to figure a lot of this out by yourself and for yourself. But always remember that there are those of us out there and ready to lend a hand when we can.
well here is a simple solution:
life is a marathon, not a 330 yard run, or a 50 yard dash...
we often are conditioned to say
I want to do A to get B. That's it. Even when we "dream" we just talk about the means and the end. Well what happens is that we get scared that there is nothing after B.
Coelho makes it clear in his books. It's a journey. It's not a movie with a structured plot. There are people who don't find their "purpose" until they are 50 years old. There are people who work in one career they thought they wanted to do, and then after 20 years realize it was all BS.
People say they want to be "happy" but don't know the first thing about it, EVEN if it stares them in the face.
We are the Supreme Being because SUpreme means the ultimate, the best, and Being means to BE. Once we realize that potential...
you catch my drift?
Brother, you hit the nail on the head for me. I've spent my life just saying "I want" and doing everything I can to avoid what I have to do to get what I want or bemoaning just how much work I have to do.
I want to own a bookstore. I want it so bad I can taste it and I've wanted it for years. What's stopping me? The fear ... of just how much work I have to put in to get there and then to stay there, of actually succeeding, of failing too.
But, dammit, I've finally pulled out the books and dusted off my notebooks and I'm going everything I can to stick to it this time. I can't have it if I don't work for it.
@kelly & omi- I do the same thing... see what I want but cower from the blood, sweat & tears required to achieve it.
but I suppose everyone has their breaking point where enough finally becomes ENOUGH and you just finally LIVE.
I'm pretty sure I'm there right now.
(I still don't like the work I'll have to put in, but I'll do it, dammit! HMPH!)
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