Join me and a slew of other fabulous NYC bloogers TONIGHT at Blog Cafe 1.0-
Who: Bloggers and Site owners
What: Networking event for bloggers/site owners and their readers.
Where: Katwalk NY* | 2 west 35th street, corner of 5th Avenue
When: Friday, October 2, 2009 6pm-9pm
Why: Because sometimes we can all use a little break from our Macs and PCs to network and mingle in person.
The FIRST 50 guests to show up with their Business Cards will receive a gift bag, courtesy of the participating Bloggers and site owners.
What: Networking event for bloggers/site owners and their readers.
Where: Katwalk NY* | 2 west 35th street, corner of 5th Avenue
When: Friday, October 2, 2009 6pm-9pm
Why: Because sometimes we can all use a little break from our Macs and PCs to network and mingle in person.
The FIRST 50 guests to show up with their Business Cards will receive a gift bag, courtesy of the participating Bloggers and site owners.
I will be there waiting to connect with all of my fabulous readers, as well as to mingle with my fellow bloggers & potential NEW readers, so come on out and enjoy yourself bitchezzzz!
And now the post...
-------------------------
I've had a couple of male readers tell me they stumbled upon my blog while looking for something completely unrelated to me, but decided to stay because of the profile pic:
Which is funny to me, 'cause it's like, "Really? That's all it takes to get your attention? Well, shit, then let me stock up on snug TShirts and VS bras!"
They also admitted to staying even after they realized my blog wasn't going to feature anything racier than my profile pic, and I'm flattered that my words keep you here (even if it was the Twins that invited you in).
HOWEVER, can I please explain that these things are NOT fun? At least not for me? And as soon as a plastic surgeon can guarantee that everything will be A-OK (and I can afford it) I'm gonna chop these bitches off?
And I don't want to hear from females who are all, "Oh I wish I had your problem!" Really? You want this problem? Really? The grass is always greener on the other side, eh? Let me outline it for you, deary...
1- I have permanent indentations in my shoulders from bra straps because of the weight of my breasts.
2- Sometimes, I have to turn the corner really carefully, lest I hit a small child in the head with my breasts. It's happened to poor N more than once. SMH...
3- Shirts never fit right EVER. No matter what I wear I look like a Hoochie.
4- Bra scars... they're not just for shoulders anymore... that's right- I have SCARS and BRUISES along my ribcage from mean old underwire cutting into my skin. BOOOO!
5- Running huuuuurrrrrrtttttsssss!!! No matter the sports bra, running has NEVER been easy for me.
6- Men stare at them all lustily and it's GROSS. Helloooooo, McFlyyyyy, my eyes are UP HERE!
7- Food n shit is always falling into my cleavage. Especially popcorn at the movies. Ugh!
8- Babies attack me. No, for real. They do. I must look like "lunch" to them or something.
9- Ladies: You know how your breasts get sore during PMS? Right, well imagine that soreness times 20 because I have all this MASS. Right.
10- Gravity. Is. A. Bitch.
Basically... I NEED SMALLER BREASTS!
So think about that the next time you dream about a breast augmentation. Consider yourself warned!
And yeah, my breast reduction surgery is just one lottery win (and flight to DR) away. Nothing you say will talk me out of it.
Except if you say that loss of nipple sensitivity is still a side effect of the reduction. Then I'm out. What's the point of living if you can't feel your nipples anymore? Ladies, can I get an AMEN?!
*smooches...doing my part for women everywhere*
----------
Also of note for my smaller sisters, an augmentation will give you cantaloupe boobs, which are so noticeable and oh-so-not-cute!
PS- did you like all the gratuitous breast shots? I'm expecting at least 5 new male readers by the end of the day LOL!!!
Posts
15 comments:
Loss of nipple sensitivity? Sheeeeit, I'll keep my DDs and buy some kick stands to prop those puppies up when they fall too low.
And sports bras? Girl, my girls laugh at sports bras. For them, they are nothing more than glorified tank tops and boy beaters.
I too have the indentations, I've learned to live with them. I've also always worn oversized shirts and blouses in an attempt to maske their size.
Thanks to being Jaded by Association, they can no longer hide under the veil of oversized t-shirts. #kanyeshrug
Good luck. You'll need it.
loss of nipple sensitivity is still a side effect of the reduction
There. I said it. Keep those babies. I have to admit. I originally hit your site because the pic caught my eye well over a year ago. Your humor and intellect kept me from then on.
Have you tried the butterfly bra that Jill Scott was promoting? You might have to drop half a c-note for one but it's cheaper than surgery and your man will LOVE that you kept them babies. Even big slightly sagging titties are winners. LOL
You NYC bloggers are always having something fun going on.
And um, about those titties...I have a pair of those in my closet! I wear them on special occasions!
Before you go chopping off your breasteses,consider this..I will gladly volunteer to follow you around all day and cup said breasteses lovingly and securely in my manly hands,so that you...(who am I kidding?...I just loves me some titties!)
Damn I like Katwalk too....but have a previous engagement.
And oooh yeah I've got a few women friends carrying some massive boobage so I've heard all those issues to. I can only imagine how all that feels.
i had a reduction 2 yrs ago. mine were bigger than yours and im only 5'1. reduced nipple sensitivity is a negative side effect, and i miss it, but i still have some sensitivity. in fact, i have more now than i did after more surgery. dont let that scare you away. trust me, your back will thank you. plus, if you think you're perky now, just wait til they lift those bad boys up. :)
besides, you might not even have to have the procedure that leads to reduced nipple sensitivity. my advice: do the initial visit and discuss it with the surgeon, then weigh your options (no pun intended :D )
*after my surergy* i've only had one, lol
Um, I still kind of want your problem. Maybe not all of it. Just 2 scoops, maybe? *holds out titty donation bucket*
Girl you can keep them thangs! No thank you. My little bitty B cup is perfect for me.
I wish I could make it out tonight but I have to get home to the little baby and the big one too.
Due to all the breast shots on this post, I am canceling my subscription.
@smarty- you weren't fooling anyone w/those oversized shirts. We all knew!
@irene- nipple sensitivity matters to me, dammit!
@rich- I have seen that Jill Scott bra... but it's not pretty at all. My vanity won't let me LOL
@darius- *DEAD* I want to see you w/your breasts!!! LMAO!
@minista- how soon can you be in BK?? lol
@nightfall- it feels like OUCH!
@miss p- thanks for that info. I might just see a doctor this year about it
@gem- did you REALLY just pass a donation bucket in my comments?? *sigh*
@the f$%k it list- yeah, if you were any bigger you'd tip over! lol
@jack- stop! you know you love my twins!!
I still remember when I mentioned loving the t-shirt pic and then you telling me how it was one of your favorite shirts b/c of what it said, and I was like "It had words?" #kanyeshrug
Good times. Zing. Pow.
How'd I miss this?!
I am in complete agreement with ALL of it. If it wasn't for these Latina ass & hips, I know I'd tip over. I'm in daily fights against gravity.
As soon as the get rid of the risk of nipple sensitivity loss, modest C cup, here I come!
I thoiught about a breast reduction. Then thought about it and remembered all I need to just go on a diet...cuz inevitably...my ass and tits are the first to go...eff the stomach, for some reason that stays...which in my opinion is ass backwards.
love this post. love the baby melons ... very pretty breast.
Post a Comment