Dear Mr. Right,
How are you? I hope this letter finds you well.
Me? I've been here missing you something awful. On Sunday I came down with yet another nasty head cold and ran out of orange juice and soup and tea, and you weren't here to get me some more. Saturday, before I went out with friends, I was having such a severe mental breakdown, similar to how I felt this summer, and you weren't here to console me. Yesterday I was feeling rather slow and sluggish from this cold and again- where were you?
Sometimes at night, when the full moon is glaring at me through the bedroom window, I am so aware of that empty space in the bed. Such a big bed with just a withering me in it. There's no way for me to position my body that will mimic the nook your body creates for mine. In the wee hours during a fitful slumber, my face seeks out that crevice your neck and shoulder forms just for me...the one that smells so clean and minty. This blanket is such a poor substitute for your arms around me, protecting me from whatever goes BUMP in the night.
I had this urge to bake you a cake the other day, but I didn't know when you'd get here to enjoy it. And I have a great recipe for lobster bisque that I know you will love- how much longer before you get here? They sell live lobsters at the Foodtown now, and I have a 5lb bag of whole wheat flour...
I don't want to be a nag; I don't want to rush you. It's not why I'm writing to you now. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I'm still here waiting for you, just like I said I would. I'm working and writing and raising my babies, and living despite this empty feeling inside me. Each day I paint on my smile and try to make it a better one than the one before. I work at loving me and life and work at enjoying the simple beauty of the trees outside my window.
I'm preparing for you everyday, or at least attempting to, but it's hard. Waiting for you has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Sometimes when I break down and cry "for no reason," I know deep down the reason is that you're not here by my side.
But I can be strong. Or at least give the impression that I am strong, until you get here. I can work and write and parent and cook and clean and live and BE without you.
Still- I'd rather not.
xoxo,
Raquel
*smooches...writing another overdue letter*
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and I'm closing comments if I see even ONE of you know-it-alls call me soft! HMPH!
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14 comments:
You're such a cushion-y.
(See, I didn't call you a softy). LOL!
Aaaaannnnndddd cue the tsunami of my girly tears. Hun, we could not be more in the same place right now if we tried. (well, you know, minus the kids and stuff for me and the fact that I'm in England, you're in NY...you get my point damnit!)
Beautifully written and I feel you on every single word.
*le sigh*
I think it would help to remember all the things that would make Mr. Right kinda suck anyways. Like he doesnt put the toilet seat down, farts in the bed, cusses around the kids, and has a set of no good friends.
*Jesse Jackson voice* Keep Hope Alive!!
Aww! I just want to give you a hug.
I do know some single Mexicans by the way. Just an option...
I echo Bangs' sentiments, again minus the kids.
Yeah, I miss sex and whatever. But what I miss most? The spooning. And, like you said, having someone to look after me ... someone who makes me feel warm and safe and wanted ... someone to stand beside me so it's us against the world and not just me against it anymore.
My biggest fears? That I'm too hard headed and unwilling to accept help if/when it ever comes back into my life, that my heart has been hurt too many times and I won't be willing to accept that intimacy when it comes, that I'll open my heart again and, again, it'll be broken.
Damn girl.. getting all deep.. So the *side eye* givin', demeanor is just a front. You are a big cushion-y.
In any case, I consider myself blessed to have found someone - but I've always believed that when it is time, you'll know, and it'll happen where/when you least expect it. There will be one. Just be patient, and let it happen. It's much better to let the current take you where it will, rather than spend your time fighting it.
I'm done being all sappy now. Back your regularly scheduled snark. Oh, and this comment?.. THIS. NEVER. HAPPENED.
That's odd - I could have sworn I was reading Jaded's blog, then this post happened.
She is about as cushion-y as a couch. Who knew? The softer side of El Generalissimo comes out.
Seriously, it'll happen. No rushing.
Then you can start picking apart his idiosyncrasies.
Damn...he has to feel that. I did. Good luck, Raquel.
Damn...I would love for a sister to write me a letter.
Thanks everyone for your comments... funny and otherwise.
This was just something I woke up thinking about and as usual, I had to "write it out."
Oh, and Reina? PLEASE do not send any Mexicans my way... I live near Sunset Park; I already have ENOUGH Mexicans. Thank you and GOOD DAY!
I had a chap in mind, but I don't know the whole story so I'll just go back to lurking, kbai.
@Gem- Maybe I should specify: I'm not writing to a particular person I already know. I'm writing to whomever my Mr. Right is out there in the Universe, the one who has yet to reveal himself to me.
Unless you meant Maxwell in which case *writhes on your living room floor*
Beautifully written. I'm sure Mr.Right is out there for you (all of you) and if this is how you express yourself he will find you soon enough.
And cause I ain't never scared SOFT Like COTTON!
just an fyi
I would gladly accept backed cakes on Mr. Right's behalf...
WORD
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