Let me tell you, sweet readers, about my very unusual Thursday evening and please tell me if I should hop a flight to LA to kick this Ali Larter chick's ass or not, okay? So here's what happened.
I was getting ready to cook dinner, and usually I like to have music or a movie playing in the background while I slice n dice n saute, so I went to check out what was new to watch on Netflix. Lo and behold, "Obsessed" was there, and I figured, "Cool. Let me finally see this train wreck, err, film so I can make fun of it."
CHIIIILLLLLDDDDD, first of all, this movie was so DUMB and predictable, I didn't have time to make fun of Beyonce. The writers were my target this time around. Just plain LAZY...giving the audience old recycled plotlines and devices and shit... OOOH I hate a lazy screenwriter! By the time I got to the part were Idris passes out on his bed I shut it off- I already knew where this was going and if there were any doubts in my head the trailer helped me relieve them. TIRED. RECYCLED. PLOTLINE.
After I gave "Obsessed" the big thumbs down on Twitter, I tried to watch "The Way We Were" but the computer started acting up (as it's BEEN doing in its old age) so I was like "UGH! FORGET IT!" and shut down the whole damn thing, finished cooking dinner in silence and decided to sleep off my aggravation with a sweet little evening nap.
MISTAKE!
Apparently me shutting off the movie upset that crazy heifer Ali Larter because not only did it make my computer crash, but I had the CRAZIEST dream + hallucinatory moments! This dream, mannnnnn, CRAZY!! In it, I was taking K to a concert but I couldn't take N because she was too young. So I got a room next door to the venue (don't even ask on what planet this makes sense because hell if I know) in which to stash her while K and I were at the show. When we arrive, no one is on stage yet, and Eb the Celeb is there to inform us the main act isn't performing until at least 10PM. I decide to head back to the room and stay with N until that time.
In this room, which actually turns out to be a rustic cabin (again, I don't know WHERE the fuck we're supposed to be at this point in time) and there's this Russian woman in the room with this baby, as are my mom and her Church Lady Posse. They tell me that this Russian woman is hiding from some people who want to take her baby away so I need to help them protect her.
All of a sudden these big ol' Russian Mafia dudes burst in demanding the baby, and we're all like "GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! YOU CAN'T HAVE THE BABY!" and there's grabbing and snatching and fighting and finally, we get them to leave and keep the Russian woman and her baby safe. Then my mom is all, "We're gonna move her somewhere else. Stay here while I get the van."
Next thing I know, a certain gentleman caller pays me a visit (same dude who "could get it, no commitment necessary" from yesterday's post) and we start making out on the couch (my kids were in the NEXT FREAKIN ROOM with the Russian & her baby). Things got really hot and heavy and clothes began to come off when suddenly we realize we don't have a condom. Which makes sense because at the start of the dream I was taking my child to a damn concert- why would I need a condom for that, right? My question is- why didn't HE have one if he knew he was coming to see me? See, y'all men are triflin... but I digress...
As we're getting dressed and cooling off, Mari shows up, and we're all acting casual as if we weren't all butts out and shit, and she's like, "You know the girls can probably tell he's your boyfriend" in that school marm way she has of talking to me, as if she's the older sister (that's right- I SAID IT!), then I realize my hand is all ass-grabbin and the K&N are looking RIGHT AT ME. So we decide to distract them with these balloons that suddenly appear in the room!
Did I mention that in this dream N is a toddler, walking around in a diaper and nothing else? Well, she is.
So there we are, blowing up balloons for N and she's toddling around in the cabin, insisting on jumping in this mud puddle IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM when my mom shows up to collect the Russian woman + baby.
WHAT.THE.FUCK.
As if that weren't enough to question my sanity, at several points throughout this 3-hour-nap-from-hell I woke up to check on the babies, asking them on three separate occasions if they ate dinner and if it was tasty, AND I sent out some tweets from my Blackberry phone. How do I know? Because K was like, "Mommy, you already asked us that THREE TIMES" and I saw my twitter timeline after I woke up.
*sigh*
I don't know about you, but I'm starting to think Ali is a witch or something. If y'all see her in the street...RUN THE OTHER WAY!
*smooches...scared to go back to sleep*
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I've never had such a crazy dream that included lucid moments that I didn't recall...should I be concerned about my brain?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Ali Larter Put Roots On Me!
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15 comments:
I second everything Smarty said.
Also, I love the fact that your mum had 'a van' - wtf?!
These are the EXACT kinda dreams I have. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with such a crazy brain. HOWEVER, I don't know if I could blame someone, who apparently wasn't even IN the dream, for them. I would blame Eb. Oh it SEEMS like she only played a bit role but lemme AXE ya THIS: where would you have gotten the tix, who would've known where you were & tipped off the Russians, or at least your boytoy? UNLESS, your Mom & church posse regularly beefs with Russians. If that's the case, I got nothing.
I love dreams. I love having them, reading about them, interpreting them. The brain throws some effed up stuff our way sometimes. Here's what I think ...
It sounds like you're starting to see K as a grownup, in a way, a compatriot that you can now take on nights out. However, N is still too young. But, being a good mom, you know that she needs to be taken care of. You keep her safe in a room represented by a rustic cabin ... instead of, say, an apartment or mansion or something. On one of my dream sites, a cabin symbolizes self reliance and independence as well as being humble ... of of which seemed spot on for how I see you and the down to earth traits you're teaching your kids.
Has something happened recently that might have put a fear for either girls' safety in your head? You're able to find a safe haven (a rustic cabin) for N but you still see some kind of threat, the mafia showing up and indirectly threatening N when they come for the other baby. But you're more than willing to not only fight for N but the other kid as well.
Also wondering if N and/or K have ever met the mystery man that you hook up with in your dreams. I really think your brain is trying to tell you that you're not fooling anyone, especially your girls. You recognize in your dream that they're in the next freaking room, you know they're close. You're thinking about them when you're with the dude. Mari even points out that the girls can probably tell.
If they haven't met him, then I think your brain's trying to tell you that they're onto you. They're aware that you're a sexual being, dating men, putting your heart out there. But, to you, they're still your babies (as seen by N being just a toddler in the dream), too young to be aware of such things. They should still be blowing up balloons and jumping in puddles.
Did some Sioux let you hit their peace pipe before you went to bed? This was so random. LOL
Ummm, yeah. I'm coming to eat at your house. Apparently you like to season your food with that good shit.
cocaine is a helluva drug.
But seriously, though...our dreams lead us to some weird places.
I once had a dream I was riding a 50 foot unicorn, and it fell and bruised itself.
Maybe I've said too much.
*runs*
"...only thing that's on my mind is whose gon' run this town tonight...."
^^still love this song.
umm.
That's not a dream. That is a novella.
I have no ideal what any dream means but I have to believe your daughter walking around in a diaper signifies how you view her as your baby.
Russian mafia? wow. Suck characterization! At least they weren't thugs dressed in hoodies, totin' gats, smelling like hydro.
Obsessed definitely was a predictable movie. I think it was one of those films where the ones responsible simply wanted to benefit from Bey's drawing power.
"...and up top, uhn, two bee stings...."
I know someone's gotta be wondering who the hell this freak is and why she's so intent on the dream interpretation. Yeah, I just can't help myself.
"I once had a dream I was riding a 50 foot unicorn, and it fell and bruised itself."
Unicorns can represent hopes and dreams, power as well as gentleness. Falling off of one so high could mean that, at the time you had the dream, something happened that left you feeling a bit disillusioned or humbled.
@smarty- I swear, gal, I hadn't eaten since 2:30 and all I had to drink all day was orange juice and water!!
@bangs- I could so see my mom with a van. it's the only thing in my dream that made sense!
@and1grad- my mom and her church posse are pretty gangsta, but you're right... Eb must be behind this somehow...
@kelly- I absolutely LOVE IT when you interpret my dreams for me. A lot of what you said makes absolute sense so now I have to sit back and reflect on this. Except, I'm not sure if I feel the girls are in danger. I mean, not anymore than usual...still, VERY interesting interpretation!
@reina- I wish there were a random explanation!
@rashida- HA! I do put a lil "extra love" in the food lol
@tyrone- maybe you miss playing with the "My Little Pony" you had as a child?? LMAO!
@don- you know she's my baby! And a novella? I don't know...action/adventure types ain't my genre, but you can borrow it if you want. For 50% of the royalties!
@kelly- NICE!!! How about this:
This morning I had a mini-dream that I was in HS, in math class, but I was flunking because I was always late, plus I was unprepared for gym, and my teacher was suggesting I stay in school one extra semester because I had too much work to make up. Thoughts?
Hate to tell you but that one's easy. You've been feeling overwhelmed, overworked and underprepared for a lot of what's been going on in your life lately. Being in HS in your dream just gave your brain the chance to throw a number of classes in the story, instead of work and kids and life.
Some people think that each person in your dream is some representation of yourself. I see the teacher suggesting you stay in school one extra semester as you kind of telling yourself to just stick it out. You do have a lot on your plate and you have bee saying that you don't feel like there's enough time for it all. But listen to the teacher (i.e. possibly yourself) and you'll be able to make up for things.
Curious to know if you remember which teacher it was. Math teacher? Different subject? That could tell you what area of your life is overwhelming you the most, where you're feeling like you might need to "stay in school" to get some extra work done.
@kelly- I figured...
btw, it was the math teacher, who I feel was also my advisor in the dream but I can't be sure.
Then I'm guessing your dream self (the math teacher) is telling your waking self to be patient and stay in school (stick it out). You have some things to make up for but you'll do it.
That's no dream.. (the one in your comments).. isn't that what your daughter and you are both sorta going through.. She with the being late and gym class, and you with the needing to push out your MFA or something?
Just sayin..
uuuuuuummm how the heck am I get blamed for something that happened in a dream???? wth is going on ...lol
All I've got to say is this:
tell your mom's church posse to stop having their bible studies by the concert hall. It's just so sacreligious.
About the drugs - just take a little breaky-sito
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