[insert all manner of lewd, crude and tasteless jokes about me being in the sex trade industry here. Because y'all are so predictable!]
But some I do just for the satisfaction of being able to say I AM THE GREATEST or I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! One of my latest ventures in pro bono land, is offering El Generalissimo's services as a life coach.
WAIT- don't run away screaming just yet. I haven't finished my sales pitch!
*clears throat*
Have you ever felt like you didn't know what you were doing with your life and needed some guidance? Motivation? Tough love?
Then hire El Generalissimo as your life coach! With a firm, yet loving hand, El Generalissimo will help guide you towards your happiness journey. Specialties include:
>Helping you let go of all the
>Unlocking all that
>Learning
>
>
And most importantly, El Generalissimo can help motivate you to finish that to do list you've been ignoring. Whether it be painting the house or organizing the family photos or getting that damn dog to pee outside, El Generalissimo is here to help you achieve your goals.
Contact us NOW at rpenzo@thejadednyer.net, and we'll throw in El Generalissimo's patented Machete Seminars as a bonus. At these incredibly influential "talks" El Generalissimo will get to the bottom of WHY you're not fulfilling your life's dreams with juuuuuuust the proper nudge in the right direction.
BUT WAIT- THERE'S MORE! If you're among the first ten people to hire El Generalissimo, we'll also include a few one-on-one counseling sessions with Lady Estrogen, for that extra boost of confidence you need to make your life great.
You'd be CRAZY to let this opportunity pass you by...
So what are you waiting for?
GET OFF THE COUCH AND CONTACT
EL GENERALISSIMO NOW, CARAJO!!!!
EL GENERALISSIMO NOW, CARAJO!!!!
*smooches...looking forward to helping you*
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operators are standing by...
and you can all thank Tyrone for giving me the idea :D
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17 comments:
I LOVE IT!!! I effin' LOVE this post!
This, my friend, is why I will NEVER quit you!
What's the going rate for El Generalissimo's services or is there some sort of free consultation?
And would it be possible to set this up in a package of some sort like a personal trainer or can we do it on an "as needed" basis?
Nah, son, it's FREE. PRO BONO. Just doing my part for the greater good.
I feel like there needs to be a testimonial. Also, I think you left off "Se Habla Espanol."
hire me and then you can be my testimonial :D
You just tryin to get close enough to knife me. Thats not how I want to unlock the potential within.
Bwahahahha *inhale* hahahhahaa
*leans over* bwhahahahahaha *wall slide*
Ooooooo emmmmm Geeeeee!
The only thing this post needs is a "I'm not only El Generalissimo, I'm also a client".
Ohhhhhhhhhhh lawwwwwwd!!!
I have a tight white jacket with buckles and straps for you. LMAO!!!
Hilarious!!!
smh.
you are out of control. ha!
what's funny is the fact that they both look like the same person.....
*sits in corner*
I'm so proud of this. It's an idea whose time has come. I can't wait to see your first clients.
Somehow I feel that this infomercial is going to be banned very soon.
WOW...Lol
oh baby, Jaded, what DON'T you do, lol.
Mad ppl need life coaches these days, funny enough I act as a life coach for some people, but sometimes i need one...
sidenote: Imma lame, i didn't update my blogroll, so i didn't see any of your latest stuff, but all that will change... later lovely
You are insane. Someone send help!
Haha.
I know a few people I can recommend you, too.
Hmmmm. I feel like I am in United States of Jaded, because both of these life coaches look like the same person.
*calls the BBB*
FREAKIN HILARIOUS! An I dont care what the rest say...Where can i sign up? BUT I want all the things crossed out and maybe you should find this guy -----> http://tiny.cc/LrQ44 I thinking El Generalissimo an him could hang what do you think?
ok so as i was reading this my nosey co-worker saw General Generalissimo's pic and asked "relative of yours?"
that is all... lol
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