You're Going To Ask Me Out On A Date.

You're going to pick up the phone and call me. You will call under the guise of just chatting until you work up the nerve to ask me out. And I will say yes.

You will choose a nice local place where we can wear real clothes, like grown-ups. You will pick me up at my place, park the car and ring the bell. I will come downstairs, ready to go, in a dress, heels, make-up & hair done to casual perfection.

On the ride over there will be some nervous chatter, some witty banter; we will try to act as if this is just another date and not something we're both looking forward to. At the restaurant our table is not ready, so we sit at the bar for 10 minutes and wait. I consider flirting with the bartender, as I'm wont to do, but decide not to out of respect for you.

We have a drink; I forgo my usual Jack and Coke for a glass of wine; tonight is not a night for drunkenness. As soon as the wine is poured, the hostess informs us that the table is ready. We move over to the corner, an intimate spot, and I'm tempted to slip her a $20 for such foresight. All of a sudden, I feel more relaxed. We will not be on display tonight.

As the waiter tells us the specials and makes sure we're settled, there's a moment of awkward silence. Inside, I begin to panic. I don't know how to break the ice and search the napkin on my lap for an answer. After all this, I have no idea how to speak to you. I hear The Voices fretting about losing cool points and sweat begins to accumulate on my brow.

Then I take a chance and look up for a moment and you're looking at me, too. And you're just you. You're not larger than life; this date will not decide the rest of our lives. Wars won't be fought over it and history books will not include its occurrence. We're just two people on a first date hoping that it will go really well.

Because we genuinely like each other.

And right when I've finally thought of something clever to say, you speak first. You pull no punches, go right in for the kill, aim directly at my heart taking no prisoners. You want this to be the first of many dates and after those three excruciating minutes of silence you say so.

"I really enjoyed your story."



*smooches...expecting that call any day now*
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and if you're thinking this was directed at you, it probably was.