When I turned 30, I was happily separated from my husband waiting for my divorce to be final and looking forward to all of the debauchery I was going to participate in now that I was no longer tied to THAT MAN. I didn’t want a relationship, just big fun. Who knew my mind would change so drastically a mere six years later?
I’d do it all again in a heartbeat, y'all- marriage, babies, all of it. BUT I’ll be 36 on Monday. How long ‘til husband? How long ‘til baby? My girly parts are on their last legs, too, so can I even trust them to give me healthy babies? Because honestly, I’m not selfless enough to raise a sick child. I’m just not.
With every new gray hair I find I lament that my prime baby-making years were wasted on THAT MAN. I mean, I got some good babies from him BUT I’d have a lot more had he not been, well, HIM. A better marriage would have found me pregnant (and keeping the babies) lots more than just twice. I regret all that time I wasted with him.
Back to the matter at hand, I’m not over my baby fever. I’m not so in your face with it because no one wants to be around the grown-ass woman with baby fever, but it’s there. And it’s probably why I turn down the suitors who approach me. None of them are the husbands or fathers I see in my dreams.
Who is he? Child, your guess is as good as mine. Will he want babies, and can I still have them? *le sigh* I suppose that's a bridge I'll cross if and when I get there. Hopefully sooner than later.
Nothing would please me more than to write a blog post titled, "I Said YES!" and then another titled "Jaded Part THREE Is On Its Way!" So those of y'all with a direct line to the powers the be put in an order for a husband + babies (yes, plural) for me. Thanks!
*smooches...writing this of sound mind and body*
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I swear I wasn't delirious when I wrote this LOL
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
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5 comments:
There is still time and with your new found healthy look on life you will be strong enough to have healthy babies.
The thing about HIM is that he'll never match up to the vision in your head. He might look a certain way, but not have the educational background. I'd say just start looking for someone that loves and appreciates you for the beautiful, smart woman that you are and work from there. Now get out there and find CJ a father in law.
I agree with F$%K It ... and must admit to doing the same thing. I'm realizing that the vision I have will never be the reality I get. My main requirement now is a nerd, geek, word hound, someone who gets a kick out of the misprinted billboard as much as I do.
Have you ever considered not waiting for the man? Why not find a donor?
@the f$%k it list: I wish I weren't so shallow and could just let go *sigh*
@kelly- I know a lot of women decide to go ahead and forego the husband and just get the baby they want, but I'm not one of them. I have no desire to raise more babies alone. And being pregnant without a partner, for me, would be awful. No, I need the husband first, unfortunately! lol
I dig ... and, after a week-long trip and driving with my sister and niece to the Midwest, I have so much respect for all mothers, especially the single ones. I don't know how my mom did it.
Well, I do. It really did take a village.
no direct line but for some baked chicken i could give u my connect's number
Are you actively lookin for a man tho?
good luck on the search
ps:when u find him, if he has a younger brother........
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