It doesn't always work.This summer, I took my daughters to Montauk for Ks Sweet 16 and what I thought was going to be a pleasant, relaxing, amazing trip turned into the biggest headache of my life. It got so bad that I almost broke down and cried in the street in front of my girls. Why? Why else- frustration with my lack of money. Why I agreed to have this party in the most expensive beach town EVER is beyond me, but as soon as we got there my funds were depleted and I just wanted to not be anywhere anymore ever.
(And the Oscar for Lead Actress in a Dramatic Performance During PMS Week While on Vacation goes to...)
It was never so apparent to me how many bad financial decisions I've made in my life than this summer in Montauk as I watched the other vacationers eating out at the fancier places and driving around in fancy cars or hanging out in their suites or beautiful beach homes. It occurred to me that at the rate I'm going this would never be my life, and then I was upset for having cheated my kids. Especially when their friends have so much more...
Listen, I know it's stupid and useless to covet & regret. I don't begrudge anyone their wealth or success because I know my own misfortunes are my own doing. It was just frustrating because I wanted to show them a great time. I wanted them to experience a bit of luxury, an escape from the tiny matchbox where we live, to order from a menu and not have to care. I know it's not a necessity but I wanted it for them so badly and it pissed me off to no ends that I couldn't give it to them.
Instead of a beautiful weekend at the beach, we ended it all with the longest walk to the train (because I couldn't afford a taxi) and the longest wait on the platform (because we made a wrong turn and missed our train).
If you ask K, she'll tell you she had a great time (except for the walk to the train and her mom LOSING HER FUCKING SHIT ON A DESERTED ROAD) and her birthday was awesome. At least, that's what I'm hoping. If you ask me? I've failed my babies...
*smooches...looking forward to a better 2012*
----------
I WILL handle my money better and my kids WILL have a great(er) summer. you'll see.
Posts
9 comments:
GIRL PLEASE! You're the best mom of our age group I've ever met! If all your kids are cheated are trips to some wack ass beach in NY well that ain't much to worry about.
Plus you know my country house is always open for you and the girls.
And once I'm off the white mans server I'll help you with your finances, may as well do it for someone I actually like.
Are you kidding me?
Ugh, where do I begin?
Life is not about what monetary things you provide to your child, it's about the moments you share that don't cost a damn thing.
You have a wonderful relationship with your daughters. They love you more than anyone and the truth is, they'd rather be with you living under a bridge than with anyone else living in a mansion.
The weekend may not have been perfect, but it was a great time with your family, and that matters more, above all.
Your issues with money, who the fuck doesn't have money problems? Even the rich want things they cannot have.
LAWD I can't believe I'm about to say this *crosses self* IRENE IS CORRECT!
Wait did I cross myself, See how CJ and his Catholic life is messing up my thug game.
I gotta agree. F*ck the money. I remember my parents digging in the couch for change for gas and maybe even a treat of a soft serve cone at McDonald's ... I still tally my groceries like they taught me, to make sure I don't go too far off the list or overspend and go over budget.
But you know what? I never felt like I lacked for anything because I know they tried. I'd rather have my memories of staying home to play Nerfball Yahtzee (you chuck them at anyone who gets a Yahtzee) and pulling out last season's clothes from the attic like it was Christmas than anything else.
Your girls know you love them and know you sacrifice for them. You're teaching them valuable lessons right now and that's priceless.
I have met your children. Wonderful.. wonderful young ladies. They are intelligent, respectful, and beautiful.
As a parent I realized that sometimes we project our anxieties and doubts on to them.
Yo, we don't have a TV because we can't afford it. BUt our children have not complained ONCE...
I remember growing up with very few things but we had a blast. and you know what, we all turned out well.
I know alot of children with a gang of stuff but the parents are always ghost..
I agree with everything everyone else has already said. Your girls appreciate everything they have and respect you for how hard you work to provide for them.
You could ask ANY adult to look back on their childhood and tell you if they would have rather had more things or more of their parents' time and I'll bet you 99.9% of them would have wanted more time with their parents. Material things come and go. Memories & childhood are about love and spending time with people you love.
Think about what kids did before TVs and computers and cell phones. I know I didn't have a computer or a cell phone when I was growing up (and we only watched the TV occasionally) and I wouldn't change my childhood for anything. My parents spent lots of time with us and we had fun the old-fashioned way - using our imaginations.
Your girls are wonderful and they love you SO much. No matter what you would have done for K's bday would have been perfect to her because she was with you and N. I can't imagine her wanting it any other way.
Jade,
Hi. I'm not that new. I have lurked on your blog a few times. And now on to my comment.
Please. You offer your children love and support. And brillance, to boot! I've learned that money isn't all it's cracked up to be.
When you don't have much, you can deal with hardships. Rich folks lose a little, and when they realize they have to drink water from a tap, they kill themselves. O.o
Loving and supporting your children is priceless. I have seen kids who get everything and they kill their parents when they don't get enough.
So, keep doing what you're doing. Being a great mom. ;-)
a) thank you for sharing - I have similar thoughts quite regularly
and
b)co-sign on the comments! Its so true, even if sometimes I don't see it!
xxx
My mother was the sickly type and could not work. I'm embarrassed to admit this, but in high school I had 3 pairs of jeans, an NJROTC gym set and uniform that were all rotated and washed regularly to make up my wadrobe. That being said, our winter vacation was a trip to the Howard Johnson with a huge pool 2 hours away. We would rent movies and order pizza and swim and play the arcade games, and my 3 sibs and I HAD A BLAST. We never felt deprived and never realized it wasn't what our more well-to-do classmated wouldn't call a vacation. My point is, my mother made the most of what she had and now that she's gone we remember the times we spent together fondly. It was never about the money or even the location really. We knew we were loved and we had a ball together as a family. And I don't know you or your girls personally but from your blog and the comments above, I'm sure when your girls look back they'll realize what a soldier their mother was and how hard you tried to give them everything in life and the vacations you did manage to take together will mean the world to them.
Post a Comment