Something Different: A Healthy Jaded Post

So last week I showed you my ginormous belly that I hate with the strength of a thousand sumo wrestlers, but I've only taken baby steps to remedy the situation. That's OK, though, as long as I'm taking steps, right?

Anyway, I'm trying this 30-Day Cardio Challenge to help jump start my progress, because there will be progress, dammit. I'm visualizing the hell out of that progress. I see me in a bikini in DR come February. I see me certified to teach a fitness class, maybe Socacize, maybe in training to teach yoga. I see me on the playground helping my baby run her basketball drills. I see me entering my 40s in the best shape and health of my life. So this 30-day challenge is my tiny push in that direction.

This first step was the assessment.



::dramatic pause with stank side-eye::

Why was I almost killed during the assessment, though? My body is totally betraying me, son! Those crawl-down pushups? I did four. FOUR. Listen, fuck those crawl-down pushups and the horses they rode in on. Yes, the horses, too! But I did it, all of it, and my numbers were BLAH but the whole point is to start where you are with what you have and make it all better.

• Run/Jog/Walk: (I walked a mile of the way to work...we're in a heatwave; fuck your run/walk!) 15mins
• Crawl Down Push Ups: 4
• Burpees: 8
• Single Leg Toe Touches: 15
• Dips (did the knees bent off a kitchen chair; I don't have a low bench to dip off of): 18
• Hands Over Head Body Squat for 1 full minute?: Yes

I had N timing me and helping me keep count. She got a real good laugh at the struggle faces I kept making throughout; made me want to punch her in her perfectly-toned abs. But I didn't. Do I get extra points for that?

UGH. I'll check back in halfway through the challenge. Pray for me!

*smooches...already shopping for bikinis*
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judging by the beached whales in two-piece swimsuits I saw at the beach this weekend, I could wear one now, but I have good sense...