The Hippies Won

I come to you waving my white flag. I can no longer resist the urge to become "one with nature" and all that good stuff. You can officially call me one of those new-age wack jobs that eats sprouted grains, organic foods, shops at a co-op and spends moments each day greeting the sun and moon and thanking them for life. Yes, that's me.

I dance in very little clothes. I believe that evening primrose oil will help with my fibroids. I have faith in the power of yoga and mindful meditation. I have an appointment for a reiki healing session this weekend. I'M CURRENTLY RESEARCHING ACUPUNCTURISTS IN MY AREA; also, ways to compost in my apartment. I might even purchase a few purifying plants to help me breathe better at home.

I use a neti pot. I'VE QUIT PORN.

The end is near, folks. The Jaded NYer you've known and loved all this time is (d)evolving back into a hemp shoe-wearing, tree-hugging, earth-loving new-ager. Except this one doesn't really drink and that used to be the funnest part of being a tree nymph.

I still eat Buffalo wings, though. And I still write. And my machete remains mighty. So maybe you won't disown me just yet...

*smooches...changing for the better, I hope*
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if not then one of y'all can host a kegger for my intervention