No Country For Reluctant Cougars

ME: I think I'm a cougar :(

FRIEND: Why? You don't even like sex.

ME: Wait- is he gonna want sex? OH LAWD!

FRIEND: Yes.. lots of it

ME: But... my back!!! *weeps*

FRIEND: You could always just lay there

ME: Did you just tell me to Kim Kardashian my way through sex?

FRIEND: Look where it got her!!

*smooches...I might need new friends*
-----------
who just lies there in the bed like a dead fish?!