On Saturday, I decided that my back was feeling well enough to finally start yoga classes again. I dusted off an old Living Social voucher and strolled on over to Dou Yoga in Clinton Hill for their afternoon open level class. As instructed by my physical therapist, I let the instructor know about my back issues and all that before taking to the mat and assuming the position.
And well, it went as expected; I haven't taken a yoga class in about a year and I've been eating like a fool and sitting on my couch woe-is-me-ing about my back. So yeah, it hurt like a bitch.
Most of the time, I had to break formation to fold myself into child pose and take deep breaths. And cry a little bit into my mat. Every part of me wanted to roll up my shit and sneak out in the middle of the warrior poses--like a BAWSE--but some heffa was blocking my path to the door. So I stuck it out.
At one point, something I did angered my back to the point where sitting up straight was rather painful, the bad kind of painful, and I knew I was on the road to Overdid It-ville. But then, THEN, it was time for corpse pose, so I stifled the tears and told my back pain to shut the fuck up, and let go.
There was a moment when everything in me that was wound up tight unraveled. I had my eyes closed, legs akimbo, arms at my side, palms up, jaw relaxed, shoulders away from my ears, and my whole body unclenched. It was so serene, so peaceful, that I didn't know how to feel about it.
In fact, it scared me so much to be without worry for even a tiny moment, that my jaw tightened immediately and my old familiar aches returned.
Still, I had that great moment. Is that what happiness feels like? I've never experienced that before. Oh yoga, I can't believe we ever had to part!
*smooches...thinking of attending another class next week*
----------
here's hoping that yoga wasn't the culprit to my back all along!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
7 comments:
Honestly, I'm starting to think all of your medical problems are brought on by your psyche. It may be time for you to visit a different type of Dr. O_o
I'm pretty sure you know what you can do with that bit of advice :)
Gotta say ... it can make a world of difference.
I would have been the last to tout seeing a counselor (psychiatrist, psychologist, whatever) but it was the best decision I ever made.
Irene's got a point ... one of the biggest causes of the body breaking down is stress, how we deal with it, and what we allow it to do to us. I'm an internalizer so I was getting headaches and stomach aches ... and two herniated discs, bordering on a third.
Once I started seeing someone and learning how to cope, adding those tools to my ever-growing toolbox (I hate that cliche wording but it's true), I found a voice and a strength I never knew I had; almost all physical manifestations are gone and those that do crop up are so much more manageable now.
Kelly- I get that, but I've tried to see a therapist about four different times throughout my life, and each time I hated it. I decided it's just not for me. But I'm glad it's work(ing/ed) for you. Stress is a definite thorn in my side!
If you went to the therapists with a side-eye already on your face, it wasn't going top work.
:P
I know you ain't going. It was just a suggestion. But you seriously seem to have too many medical problems for some of them not to be brought on psychologically. I think The Voices are trying to kill you, slowly.
Four, eh? Well, you definitely gave it a college try ... hopefully with an open mind and no side-eyes, like Irene mentioned.
My friend had to go through about a dozen people before she found one she liked, and wound up staying with her for years. Sometimes it's not you, whether you're open to seeing someone or not ... sometimes, it's just not the right fit.
Post a Comment