Saying the Uncomfortable Thing Out Loud...

...just not to the right person.

The way he tells it, I was aggressive on our first date. He emphasized that first of all I was late, but also that I rebuffed the drink he had pre ordered for me, a mojito. "I don't drink mojitos; I don't like things floating in my drink" or something like that is what I said. He then said I did end up drinking it and liking it (because it was frozen, mind you), but because I was so aggressive out the box I almost didn't get to enjoy this "experience." A stupid mojito.

When I corrected him and said, "I'm not aggressive, I'm assertive, I speak up when I don't want something and I don't see that as negative," he said, "well I do."

That was during a Friday night date back in 2022, and it damn near put me off my Buffalo wings and cold beer.

It's 2025 and the memory of this conversation has basically put me off my relationship.

How can I be with someone who sees my speaking up for myself, what I want and need, what I prefer or what makes me feel good, as a negative?

And if you know me, you know I always have one foot out the door, ready, willing, and able to walk away, dignity intact, and live well. But I'm trying to be a grown up, and I heard a rumor that grown ups talk things out first.

A huge part of me is still The Jaded NYer, though, which means that before I activate my inner grown up, I activate my inner petty blogger.

Because FUCK HIM. Why should I drink a drink I know I don't like, just to impress a date? So now every time we go out I have to endure a drink with fucking leaves in it to keep up appearances? I have to eat your "chicken stew" when I have a physical aversion to BOILED chicken with the bone in? I can't complain about huge chunks of onions and peppers in the mac and cheese? I'm supposed to fuck you even when I'm not in the mood? Where does it end? When do I get to be me?

I'll tell you when: ALWAYS. I'm ALWAYS going to be me. And if you're only going to love me IN SPITE of that fact, instead of BECAUSE OF it, I really have to ask, why are you even with me?

I probably should have posted this in my Letters I'll Never Send blog...

Anywhores... Happy Valentine's Day, losers.

Love & Balls,
Jaded
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please stop asking, do you still love me?
don't have much to say, let's speak in the morning
please don't do this, I'm too far away
don't know what to tell you, babe